#but id probably wouldn't have made it this fair without them

[small-jar]

Gang every thing is jelly wish me luck on my exams tomorrow

[mystxmomo]

hi hiii

so. what if. iiii. enabled u to be autistic on the internet again :3c

i wanna hear your thoughts on eilistraee and vhaerauns relationship! the nitty gritty, the dynamics, how they think of each other vs how they act, and how thats changed over time+how its reflected in their church

im ADORING all your posts on it if i could id print them out and eat them 🫶

Okay. So this is officially the third part of my "I need to go crazy on some character analysis" Saga. My analysis on Vhaeraun is Here, and my analysis on Eilistraee is Here. I recommend, if you're stumbling across this post in the wild as tumblr tends to do, reading those two first so that you have an idea of how I see these two characters and where the basis of my argument for their characterization comes from. If I need to reference something from either post, I'll quote it here. But y'know. Need be said.

Okay so.

I believe this post is going to the most subjective of mine. I am going to try and pull up canon screenshots from War of the Spider Queen, The Lady Penitent, and Evermeet, but unlike how you kind of get told directly how the drow gods behave and hold themselves and a lot of things end up getting built on them, I would argue so many hands have touched DnD and so many interpretations of their relationship have sprung up over the books that it's hard to give a truly simplified "This is how they see one another."

Water is wet statement, relationships are complicated.

Anyway. Given what my thesis is, I am going to be talking a fair bit about abusive family dynamics in this one as well. My goal for this (and any character relationship I do, really) if to try and keep it very fair. I think a of people make the mistake when talking about Eilistraee and Vhaeraun's relationship of picking a side. Like this idea of one of them being right and one of them being wrong and needing to "Fix" the other. And I don't think that's true at all. I think to be able to understand why they feel the way they do about one another and why their relationship is the way it is, you need to respect both of their characters individually.

(Granted, I think this should be true of any relationship you're writing for in fiction. If I can preach for a second, I think even if you don't like a character, you have to be able to respect the character to properly portray them.)

Final note before I get into this. Everyone thank @abracadav-r again for being on screenshot duty. The posts wouldn't get done nearly as fast without them, they know exactly where to find these little moments.

So. That all said. Lets get into it.

I've made a smaller joke post about what I think their dynamic is like before here. But now that you're giving me the opportunity to do so, I will go indepth about it. Yes.

I'm kinda of the opinion that Eilistraee is more incorrect about Vhaeraun than Vhaeraun is incorrect about Eilistraee (But also that this is the result of DND Canon not being entirely fair to Vhaeraun.)

Let's get the discussion about my thesis about the Elven Pantheon being an analogy for an Abusive family on a divine scale out of the way first, because it's something I've mentioned a few time's, but only every really shorthanded. And I think here, in the discussion about relations, is a GREAT place to start and actually explore that.

Now. I should probably start by saying, I don't think this was intended by DnD. Like, I think when they were originally making this lore, it was the intention to just make a justifiable evil worth killing. DND came out of a time of the romantic fantasy, the very Tolkien and Fairytale esc ideas of good and evil and have this classic hero's journey power fantasy ideal to it. Other people have gone into depth about that origin with far better sourcing and dissection than I can ever hope to, but basically: DnD is absolutely (as all art is) a product of it's time and of the community it stemmed from.

However, I personally think those themes and ideas are a little outdated, and a modern audience (myself being the modern audience) tends to be more enthralled by very nuanced interpretations of good and evil, and find indepth character driven narratives more engaging. And I think that for what this mythos has become over the course of it's 60+ years of evolution, you can reinterpret the narrative to be a fascinating depiction of a mythos that echo's the abusive family structure.

Copying and Pasting from my Eilistraee Essay:

It is of my opinion that, when you look at the Eilistrae-Vhaeraun Dynamic and how they were treated by Lolth and Corellon, you're looking at a classic Golden Child/Scrape Goat dynamic. This is important to mention here because I do think that's important context within how Eilistraee (the person) see's and understands the world, and where her mind is at when it comes to the perception of her sense of self. To VASTLY oversimplify about how emotionally abusive family structures work by a lot, when you look at emotionally abusive families with siblings, you tend to find a pattern where one child ends up getting the bulk of the favoritism and affection (The golden child), while the other takes the bulk of the abuse and tends to take a of blame and is seen as being deserving of the abuse (The scrapegoat.) I'll get a little bit more into the specifics of what that means for their relationship in a later post.[*] Now. Calling her the Golden Child, but I don't think being the Golden Child is strictly a good thing. In a lot of ways, I think a lot of golden children end up very emotionally stilted, and I think you kind of see that in Eilistraee. She HAS to be the perfect one. And she's had this expectation to be The Good One placed on her shoulders since she was young. Golden Children are often blinded to the abuse their siblings face because they themselves are not subjected to the same kind of abuse.

[*] And well. It's that later post!

In emotionally abusive families, siblings tend to be pitted against eachother, either unintentionally as a result of the Golden Child being the subject of a parents time, attention, resources, and affection, or as a purposeful attempt on the part of a parent to put divides in a family. In the real life world, it is more often the first. I think a lot of people think Abusers are more like Lolth where there's an intentional "I looked at you and from the day you were born decided to make your life hell."

But I would argue the tricky thing about abusive family structures (Especially with parent-child situations), is that more often then not, the abusers love the idea of the person they're abusing. To them, what they're doing is love. It is very rare that an abuser is this knowing evil schemer that actively sits and thinks to themself that "That's my least favorite child, they don't deserve my attention."

(Though, as a small side tangent not immediately related to the fictional character, you might see this logic manifest more in the way finances are weaponized in abuse, especially see in America where college is more expensive and therefore often used as a control tactic. IE; My wonderful son wants to go into STEM, why would I waste money by giving it to my son who wants to do art college. Because people get comically evil about money.)

Instead, emotional abuse is often more insidious. It's... I'm going to put the blame on everything that goes wrong on my son (Who I left in the hands of his physically abusive mother to have his arm constantly bent behind his back by her) I can't bring myself to believe that my daughter would ever want to scheme against me. YOU could have been good once, but you're evil because you're not happy, you're too moody, you're too violent. I'm not even going to give you the chance or the environment to grow, because it's just in your nature to be evil, and because you are evil because you were born evil that all that goes wrong is your fault.

You know. That kind of logic.

So. Eilistraee was Corellon's Golden Child. She was the free spirited happy one. She was the one that loved to hunt and dance. She was the good one.

(But often, when a scrape goat leaves the family, the golden child becomes the new target.

Y'know. Like..

Corellon gave up on the idea of trying to turn his son Vhaeraun to abandon his ways. He vowed to kill Vhaeraun if he ever tried to hurt his sister. Nevertheless, the Masked Lord did threaten the Dark Maiden's life, without known action against him on Corellon's part.

Corellon's servant Solars claimed that, with this act, Eilistraee had exhausted her purpose, because the willing had been saved, and the unwilling cast down as a necessary sacrifice.

The in-story context for this being honestly worse and kind of containing bad racial implications:

“Her soul was destroyed,” Felarathael said solemnly. “But before she died, she saved many. She cleansed the taint from hundreds of drow who might otherwise have been condemned.” “But the rest!” Lashrael wailed. “Thousands! Hundreds of thousands! No hope of redemption for them, with Eilistraee gone. Condemned to darkness and despair, forevermore!” “Another necessary sacrifice,” Felarathael said without a trace of emotion. “Else the game would have been lost.”

This, to me, is the framework of Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship.

Likewise, the Masked Lord nurtures an abiding hatred of Eilistraee. The Dark Maiden always held Corellon's favor more than her hateful brother, and she thwarted Vhaeraun's early efforts to bring all the Ilythiiri (southern, dark-skinned elves) under his sway, enabling Lolth and Ghaunadaur to make great inroads among those who would become the drow.

I'm under the impression that Eilistraee doesn't know Vhaeraun. She has this idea of who he is in her head seemingly both based on the what their father thought of him, and as a result of being an outsider looking at the things he did at the hand of his mother. (And again, let's be clear and establish in this post. That wasn't WHOLLY Lolth. Vhaeraun did play his part. But I don't think Eilistraee see's that, I think she strictly see's an eager climb for power) And then she makes a lot of assumptions about his motivations based on the idea of him she's made in her head that reaffirm that idea.

On the other hand, I think Vhaeraun understands exactly the kind of person his sister is, because it's really not that hard to understand who Eilistraee is. She really does just mean well. While I consider her to be a lot more guarded and lonely then people tend to give her credit for, I don't think she's being insincere with her wants and wishes and you don't have to doubt what her intentions are. Instead, the ways that I think Vhaeraun is often wrong about how well she can handle herself and how strong her allies are by 4e, and what that could mean for drow as a whole. Because he's so willing to discredit her as a threat, he doesn't pay attention to her, and because he doesn't pay attention to her I don't think he realized she'd gotten friendly to people like... Mysta the goddess of magic.

And being realistic, even if he had known, I don't think he understands the weight of her being friendly TO people like Mystra because he himself only ever makes allies, not friends amongst gods.

Now. The reason I capped that whole screenshot above is actually because it contains a very interesting bit of framework that I think proves this. Even back in the 2e source books, the phrasing of these things matters. If it was a matter of Vhaeraun thinking that something was the case, they would have mentioned it. However, the specific way that it's set up in that passage is: "It's not that Vhaeraun thinks Eilistraee's involvement in circumventing his climb to power allowed Lolth and Ghaunadaur to gain power. Her involvement DID allow Lolth and Ghaunadaur to gain power."

And I don't think she's aware of that. But Vhaeraun is.

To further this, we're to copy/paste a passage from Sacrifice of the Widow. Now. This is from the perspective of a Vhaeraun worshiper, and it holds as much bias as Eilistraee's priestesses have towards him. But. Because it correlates with metatextual information we have from all the way back in 1998, I'm inclined to say it's not a full dishonesty, just a biased truth.

The dance might have been beautiful, had it not been a violation of the sacred order. Had Eilistraee not interfered, Vhaeraun might have united all of the darkelves under a single deity millennia ago, but Eilistraee had proved as greedy as Lolth and had stolen the females away from the Masked Lord’s worship. She’d taught them to exclude males from her circle, to subjugate and revile them instead. Vhaeraun’s followers had learned a bitter lesson. Females could not be trusted.

Compare this to how Eilistraee speaks of Vhaeraun's influence in Evermeet: Island of the Elves.

Like... Eilistaee. There are bigger threats out there than your brother But. She's so blinded by her history with him that she can only ever see her brothers influence is a bloodstain on the land.

As I mentioned in my other post, I think Eilistraee is a biased narrator in this scene. I don't think Vhaeraun wants his sister to die for the crime of existing. I think his feelings on his sister are way more complicated than his feelings on either of his parents. And we know when Vhaeraun explicitly wants someone dead, because the text would have told us that.

...

So, to understand Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship, I do think we need to talk about The Masked Lady.

Given how much of DnD is oral tradition and people building on concepts that the games give to us, I think people feel more comfortable engaging with some of these things through the wiki and building off of the idea of the ideas they get from the wiki without searching out the original source. And to be clear, this isn't like, judgement for doing that. Nevermind that the IP is older than I am twice over, that a lot of old blog posts are only acceptable through niche internet archive links, and that a lot the source books are neither applicable to 5e or still within print. I'M personally guilty of doing it all of the time.

Instead, the point I'm making is because of how the realms is set up and how people engage with DND, not a lot of people know when plot point comes from a source book, a blog post, a prose book, an official magazine, when something was fan-submitted and made canon, or Ed Greens personal twitter/discord. They all kind of merge together to create a collective canon. I think, as a result, a lot of people end up engaging with these concepts with the same amount of abstraction. But the thing about The Masked Lady is that they're like. A book character. This isn't just a concept that was placed out into world abstractly, they're a fully fleshed out character within The Lady Penitent.

This is important to us and our purposes of engaging with these characters on a more transformative level rather than at a dnd table. Being a character, we can look at how they behave and what the actual intent of their portrayal was. And I want to show you a few things, because I have an argument I would like to make given that portrayal.

==

A voice called to them: a voice that was neither male nor female, but both. A moment later, it became a pool of utter silence. Then song, then silence. Opposites, twined together, yet somehow harmonious. Side by side, the awarenesses that were Kâras and Valdar drifted to the place where the song-silence was coming from. It caught them like leaves and swirled them up toward itself. They drifted in front of an enormous face. Moonlight bathed the face’s upper half in shining radiance; the lower half was shadowed in utter blackness. A glint of blue danced across eyes the color of moonstones. Masked Lord, Kâras asked. Is it you? A feminine laugh rustled the mask. Masked … Lady? he ventured. The chuckle deepened, became male. Hands moved to the blackness that was the deity’s mask. Fingers gripped its edges. Kâras tensed, and felt the eager anticipation of the awareness that was Valdar. The mask lifted. Kâras wept. So did Valdar—and as he did, Kâras saw into the other Nightshadow’s heart. The emotions that had prompted their tears were as different as moonlight from shadow.

==

“Masked Lord,” Kâras prayed. “Is it your will the breach be opened? Have you—” He hesitated, then forced himself to say it. “Have you allied yourself with the Ancient One?” This time, the god answered. Not in words, but in the distant peal of a hunting horn. That alone wouldn’t have convinced Kâras; it might have been one of the priestesses, signaling the others. But as the horn sounded, a rectangle of darkness with two eyeholes appeared in the air a short distance away, within the tunnel leading to the ruined temple. The bottom of this “mask” fluttered, as if the mouth behind it were lending its breath to the hunting horn’s peal. Dots of angry red blazed where the eyes would have been. That decided it. Kâras wouldn’t run. He’d fight.

==

===

My argument about The Masked Lady is this: Despite taking a lot of Eilistraee's visage and Churches Iconograpy, When you look at how The Masked Lady behaves in practice I would argue that this isn't actually strictly Eilistraee. The Masked Lady feels like a new character that is both Vhaeraun and Eilistraee..... but also Neither Vhaeraun and Eilistraee. In that strictly esoteric kind of way, by merging their aspects together they've created a new god made of their parts.

And on one hand, you can read some of this as Eilistraee Masquerading as her brother to try and get his church to work with hers, but on an authorial level? I don't know if that was the intent. For one, I don't actually think Eilistraee is good at being manipulative, she's too well intentioned. She'd have fallen apart under the weight of that lie.

Granted, I do think with both of them being in there Eilistraee is more "in control." Vhaeraun is absolutely ""Dead"" in at least some ways. The piece he puts down representing himself is destroyed in the Sava game, Eilistraee ends up with his mask, and Lolth is able to show off his corpse in the astral plane.

But even all of that aside, I'm tapping in both Ed Greenwood's thoughts for this and something from Faiths & Avatars.

(I'm going to copy this summary from the FR wiki page on dead powers because, as always, it's quite good at summarization. But as always, I've double checked Faiths & Avatars to be sure)

Sometimes, the memory and personality of a deity was separated from their power and true form at the moment of their death, typically by the interaction of the magical turbulence of their death with the magic of a powerful relic or artifact into the same area. In such cases, the deity remained awake but imprisoned, in a sense, though vastly uncomfortable with their much-reduced state.

As such, I think during The Masked Lady era, three things were true simultaneously.

There was a part of Vhaeraun that was dead. That's the part of him on the astral plane. And even that part of him seemed to hold mild consciousness. But I also think a part of him was trapped by Mystra in a dream, and another part of him existed simultaneously within his sister creating a new entity as The Masked Lady, in the same way that Eilistraee seemed to both exist as herself AND The Masked Lady separate from herself as she's playing the Sava game. Because these are gods. Their existence does not exist in singularity.

But. Why does this matter to Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship. Why do I think this is an important talking point for them.

Because I think the fact that they exist together implies a level of respect and understanding towards one another. This is not how this would have happened if they truly hated one another. What happened with Vhaeraun and Eilistraee seems closer to what happened with Zandilar the Dancer and Bast (Absorbed and became Sharess) or (Sehanine Moonbow, Aerdrie Faenya, and Hanali Celanil) > (Came together to become Angharradh and notedly, can separate to spent time apart as times have changed.)

This feels like. Notedly different, compared to what happened with (for example) Ulutiu and Auril, where he got entirely subsumed by her.

For a moment, they were one god. And they could have only synergized as one if they understood eachothers intentions well enough to agree to be one.

==

It's worth noting before I get into this section. Both the idea that Vhaeraun didn't actually die and was put in ⋆ ˚｡⋆⊹❇Mystra's Dream Prison <3 ❇⊹⋆ ˚｡⋆ and that upon returning to life he started working with Eilistraee are not actually ""canon"" to 5e. They are, like many things, Ed Green-ism's that a lot of people (myself included, because I do actually think he's an incredibly creative person with good character building ideas) take as canon. Despite taking it as canon, I think it's worth mentioning that there is no official source material to pull from for these ideas, because unlike the masked lady, these two ideas exist as concepts to be built off of rather than media to be examined.

We can only logic and reason what happened between them and how it's changed their relationship using everything else we have.

Posted from the FR wiki:

"The Grand History of the Realms explicitly says that Vhaeraun's assassination attempt failed and Eilistraee killed him. However, Ed Greenwood suggests that Eilistraee didn't actually kill her brother. The Dark Maiden defeated Vhaeraun with the indirect help of her ally Mystra, as the Weave frustrated the Masked Lord's magic while enhancing Eilistraee's. The goddess temporarily took her brother's portfolio, and trapped his sentience in the Weave, where it was enfolded in a dream by Mystra. The Lady of Mysteries did this to ensure that the two drow siblings would survive the cataclysm that she knew was coming—the Spellplague—in which she would be "killed" to renew the Weave and magic would go wild. After Mystra and the Weave were completely restored in 1487 DR, the goddess of magic could finally give Eilistraee her own lost power and do the same with Vhaeraun, after having awakened him from his dream."

It was one of Ed Greenwood's ideas to have the two deities reach a reciprocal understanding, and to make the personal enmity between them was no more. More to read here

So here's my take on this situation.

I think a lot of people like to paint the "Mystra and Eilistraee put Vhaeraun in Dream Prison" Situation in a very limited light. In the same way Eilistraee tends to get romanticized as a wholly good and Vhaeraun demonized as a firm evil, it tends to get boiled down to the idea that Mystra and Eilistraee managed to convince him to be "Less Evil."

But, I don't know. To accept the Mystra/Eilistraee tag team as something wholly good, you have to also accept the sentiment of Vhaeraun as someone who is evil and needed "fixed," and I don't think that's ever been the case. As I think my multitude of arguments have implied, I have never been under the impression he's an actual evil.

As such, it's always felt little bitter-sweet to me. I think it's more impactful if they just managed to rub off on eachother due to their time spent together as one. I think it was especially a turning point for Eilistraee, given how many changes came to the structure of her church as a result of that merger. She understands why he uses the tactics he does, she understands that what he's doing is coming from a place of (what I would argue) is sincere love for the drow as a whole, and I think she got a little bit more of a nuanced understanding of the uhh Sexism. I also like to think she understood his experiences more, and that his love doesn't come through the same lens as hers.

Likewise, I think Vhaeraun came out of that understanding that he was stretching himself thin. I think that he learned that he NEEDS to be able to rely on others, he NEEDS to start trusting the outside world more. While he's more accepting of drow as they are now, I think his goal has always been to put them back in power to the extent that they were when he had worship from the Ilythiiri. But, thats not the world they live in anymore. Even if he did pull all the drow from the underdark, they could not and would not manage to be that. I think he comes out of The Masked Lady era understanding that to get the drow away from his mother and to coexist is stability in itself. They don't need to rule to be powerful, they just need to coexist.

You know. It's choosing to forgive. We can't change what we were, but we can start this relationship over and grow something new from it. And sometimes, that might be enough.

....

And ALSO I think they had to start getting along, because it really didn't take their churches THAT long to start meshing together when they fused as the masked lady.

At the word “died,” the priestess glanced down at the male. The cleric didn’t look good; his eyes had fully rolled back in his head and his skin was turning gray. Halisstra reached out and lifted the priestess’s chin, forcing her to look away. “It’s only a weak venom,” she lied. “You have plenty of time to heal him. Plenty of time, still.” “Yes,” the priestess repeated softly. “Plenty of time.” Her eyes reminded Halisstra of another priestess who’d succumbed to Halisstra’s bae’qeshel magic, years ago. Seyll had stared just as trustingly into Halisstra’s eyes a heartbeat before Halisstra plunged a sword into her. And yet Seyll had told Halisstra, as she lay dying, that no one was beyond redemption—not even Halisstra. She’d been wrong. This priestess had a wide mouth and creases at the sides of her eyes that could only have come from frequent laughter. The frown of confusion looked out of place on her forehead. The slight bulge of her stomach hinted she might be carrying a child. Halisstra hated her.

Come on guys, The Masked Lady hadn't even existed for half a decade and there was already pregnancies. We don't know what their churches are like 100+ years out. But, for as much as Ed emphasizes the infighting of the churches (And I have no doubt in my heart there ARE factions who refuse to mesh, that's canon to the text) we are inevitably met with 1-2 generations where the combined churches are all that they knew. Vhaeraun and Eilistraee had to work together, because I think as much as they're their own people with thoughts and opinions and experiences, they are also a reflection of their worshipers.

==

I think, to summarize what I think Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship is like in a few paragraphs

With the way their relationships are described, I think Eilistraee was the golden child and Vhaeraun was the scrapegoat in the earlier parts of their childhood. They become reflections of the parent that favors them, because those were the parents that acted as their main influence. Eilistraee saw Vhaeraun as a reflection of her mothers evil, and Vhaeraun saw Eilistraee as undeserving of the favoritism their father gave her.

This view of eachother was cemented when she followed him to Toril. She saw him and his power as an evil and bloodstain, unhelped when he exiled her (probably out of spite and due to the grudge he had as a result of the earlier years). As such, she worked to undermine the influence he had. And when that allowed their mother and Ghaunadaur to take hold, it was the same kind of evil to her.

Her enabling them to take that power worsened the grudge Vhaeraun had of her, because he knows he isn't the same kind of evil as Lolth or Ghaunadaur, and them having that power worsened things for everyone.

This grudge between them kept itself in the legacy of their churches, all the way until The Masked Lady Era. The Masked Lady era was one where they actually managed to come together for a similar goal. It was the first time they were truly about to understand eachothers motivations, experiences, and perspectives, and the first time that divide between them and their communities truly lessened.

And when they finally came out...? I mean. That's going to change anyone. I think not only their relationship changed, but they sort of managed to change eachother a little.

I don't know. I think their relationship is complicated and messy and such a product of their parents influence on them. There is no forgiving Lolth, and there really shouldn't be forgiving Corellon (though, dnd might disagree with me on that.) But I think theirs one that could eventually heal. Out of all of the relationships in the Dark Seladrine, theirs feels the closest to being one that can be refounded on equal ground and with respect towards one another, especially as drow return to the surface and find more acceptance (even outside of their communities.) Because they are to me, two sides of the same coin.

[elderscrollsconceptart]

i've said this before but: i, personally, am *not* looking forward to any TES remake made in Unreal. i think it handles certain physics and lighting aspects much, much worse than Havok, the engine that original Oblivion uses [and technically also Skyrim, though heavily modified by that point]. i think UE5 is likely to kill a lot of the charm and unique feel of Oblivion, and i'm a lot more hopeful about things like Skyblivion. i've never loved an RPG made in Unreal, and Oblivion is one of my favorite games of all time partially because of the versatility of Havok. obviously i could be wrong, and honestly i hope so! but given bethesda's track record [and microsoft in general, which is their parent company], i think it's likely to be a lot... flatter than the OG.

So Ive been thinking about this constantly for the past few months. It's definitely possible the remake won't match the "vibe" of OG Oblivion. That concerns but as well. Half of Oblivion's charm is how janky and lowkey..bad? It is 😭 Thats not a knock btw! Games and genres often become DEFINED by their flaws despite their positives! Skyrim is awesome but id bet one of the first things the average gamer remembers about Skyrim is the ridiculous "giants hit you so hard you fly into space" bug. For Oblivion it's the absurb (and endlessly memed) behavior of it's NPCs.

I wouldn't be shocked if the outsourcing studio drops the ball as Oblivion is a huge and clunky game to begin with. Even a remaster would be hard to do. That said, all negativity/optimism we can have at this point is wholly based on leaks and assumptions so it's fair to reserve final opinions until we actually get a real look at the remake if/when it releases.

I will be honest and say I'm personally cautiously optimistic about the remake since as charming as the OG is, it's a technical and unoptimzed mess beyond the memes and charm of silly physics glitches. I love OG Oblivion! I also want to be able to play it without having to do a bunch of mods to (try!) to make it work on my PC.

IMO literally all the remake/remaster would need to do is improve things like draw distance, get rid of the absurd CPU restrictions the OG has, and make Oblivion run stable on modern hardware.

I've talked about it before but id very happily accept a 1 to 1 port of Oblivion for modern hardware if all they did was ensure the game ran smoothly. I've genuinely only been able to have a single full playthrough of Oblivion, and that was on the xbox 360. He'll I'd take a Switch port of Oblivion if it was in HD at least. I just want a stable game experience that doesn't require me to have an old dual core CPU or try a bunch of janky 12 year old INI tweaks and memory patches.

I've tried probably half a dozen times to get the game working on PC with the necessary performance patches/stability fix mods and I *still* can't get the fixes to last thru an entire playthru before some stability issue major quest bug forces me to quit.

Morrowind has OpenMorrowind which makes the game fully stable and playable on modern hardware (like my phone!) Daggerfall has Daggerfall Unity which has innumerable improvements and also allows the game to be played on modern hardware with little issues. Skyrim has been ported to everything except apple smart watches and is playable basically everywhere with only moderate stability issues.

Oblivion is the *only* semi-modern mainline TES game that is super jank out the box and doesn't have some "fixed" version that allows it to be playable and stable on modern hardware. If something like OpenOblivion existed, an official remake/remaster wouldn't be necessary

I will reiterate the super frustrating CPU restrictions the PC version has unless you use mods to circumvent them. Game literally will start crashing on you if you have a multi core CPU. Old games tend to have technical problems like this, but given almost every other mainline TES game has a safe and stable version that exists for modern hardware, its not fair that Oblivion gets ignored in this matter. We deserve a permanent and officially fixed version of Oblivion, be it a remake or a remaster. We shouldn't just rely on mods and fan projects to fix old TES games.

Daggerfall is another good comparison since yes, by remaking Daggerfall in Unity you DO lose some of the original game's charm, but you also gain a shitload of stability and graphical improvements which make the game accessible to modern gamers.

In lieu of a fanmade Oblivion project in the vein of OpenMorrowind/DaggerfallUnity, Oblivion NEEDS a remaster or remake to make it accessible on modern hardware. Skyblivion is cool! But it still looks like Skyrim with different architecture. That's not a knock on that project, it's just true since it's literally the Skyrim engine. In the same way Morrowblivion looked like Oblivion despite being a "remake" of Morrowind into Oblivion's engine. Skyblivion is a FULL remake of Oblivion (with some changes from what I understand) but we still deserve an official Oblivion remake/remaster.

Skyblivion doesn't negate an Oblivion remake and an Oblivion remake doesn't negate Skyblivion. If anything they compliment each other since they each would be doing things the other isnt/cannot do.

An Oblivion remake/remaster might suck (or it might be great!), but regardless of our feelings on the matter, its simply true that the OG grows less and less accessible the further we get from it's release 19 years ago...We deserve to be able to play Oblivion on modern machines. I hope the remake allows us to do that (and that it comes out to begin with lol)

Peace out yall ✌️

[emotreech]

tell me the mizzen thoughts i beg

YES HI I LOVE TALKING ABT HIM

okay so to preface mizzen is my fave character in the series if i am thinking abt the hunger games im probably thinking about mizzen and / or district 4 ( d4 tributes get behind me )

anyways recently ive been mostly thinking abt his family dynamic and how it intertwines with his relationships in the book. i feel like he lives in a pretty matriarchal household , purely self - indulgent but his mom is a single mother in my eyes. i also think he has an older sister whom he really looks up to / tries to emulate , leading to his close relationship with coral and pippa , two strong women who entered his life when he was incredibly vulnerable and needed support. also just him in d4 in general. who were his friends?? did he have to work?? we know he's good w a net and has basic trident skills so maybe he had to do stuff w that. did he do well in school?? what was his dynamic w his siblings?? what was his favourite subject??

wait i just realised i turned him into prim whoops 😭 coral and mizzen as katniss and prim parallels or smt even tho they are barely similar

( editing to say: i personally headcanon mags to be mizzen's older sister for no reason other than sad bcus there is NO canon evidence to support that )

for a tribute so young he lasted an incredibly long time in both the book and the movie , surviving a couple pretty close encounters ( moreso in the book but in the movie too , ) only being stopped by extraneous factors ( teslee's drones and gaul's snakes. ) id love to see how far he'd last were it to have been " fair " ( though i argue that technically teslee didn't do anything to crazy all she did was manipulate the capitol's faulty tech which , though im sure the capitol didn't like it , is really their fault that it was able to be manipulated so easily. ) im also interested in how she managed to do that but that's another topic.

i don't usually think abt the mentors a ton ( besides festus and the usual sejanus and coriolanus ) but ive been thinking abt pippa a lot recently. idk just their relationship in general , ik it's not that realistic to think they formed a pseudo - sibling bond in the time they spent together but let me dream 😭 she obviously cared about him more than coriolanus' unreliable pov would let us see cus he was too busy claiming lucy gray and being mad at sejanus for existing. you're the pippa expert im sure you have better thoughts on their relationship ( which i NEED to know btw i love reading your writing. )

unrelated but his actor was perfect he looked so little ( obviously because he was young filming it ) it made me even sadder having to put a face to the character

okay final one i think but i canNOT stop thinking abt coral and mizzen. did they know each other before the games?? were they just super close immediately because they were thrown in the situation together?? are they family friends?? they obviously had this incredibly close connection that honestly i don't think we saw between any other two tributes in these games. they seemed to be able to speak to each other without words and she trusted him with things im sure she wouldn't trust tanner or treech with ( taking her trident to find lucy gray for example. ) ugh she just protected him and was softer with him and he was rlly one of a few people to see past her angry protective exterior i wish we could've seen them outside of this because i love them sm.

no i don't like mizzen wdym 🤧

delilah be normal challenge ( impossible )

[dogboyklug]

[ID: A four-page comic featuring Penthe and the Geek, as they have a dinner date and discuss how Geek met Sam and Max. It ends with Penthe, mortified as they realize Geek is legally and emotionally Sam's child, and that they had fucked Sam, and therefore Geek's dad. End id.]

THIS TOOK. LIKE THREE DAYS. BUT I FINISHED IT!!!!!!!

the textless versions of every panel AND the sketches are available up over on my ko-fi!!! woo!!!! [link]

transcript under the cut :]

G: I have to ask... How did you meet Sam & Max, anyway?

P: It's not really that interesting.. Anyway, you've known them for ages longer, so you go first.

P, thinking: i cannot have her know about my occupation

G: If you insist. It was kind of a while ago,so I might have gotten some things wrong, but bear with me..

G: It was when I was... twelve? No. Ten. It was when I was ten. So... Nineteen ninety-five. Geez.

To get back at my bullies, I submitted a portal to an unstable dark dimension for the school's craft fair.

...do they still do those?

Anyway, Sam and Max were called, probably to send me off to juvie...

But they ended up getting completely enamored with me, I guess, and Sam asked if I'd like to work on junk in his basement.

They ended up adopting me, since otherwise they wouldn't have been able to really keep me in their basement without the other cops getting a little... suspicious.

But... Even though they mainly started that process to get me to repair all the crap they break on their vigilante justice missions...

...they made me feel like part of a family, I guess.

One that cared about each other.

Enough with all the sappy crap. I still want to know how you met those two.

Those two hate anything boring, so I refuse to believe it wasn't actually that interesting.

C'mon, you can tell-

...Penthe?

P, thinking, distraught: I fucked Geek's dad.

[ts-witchy-archive]

Hello! I've seen a bit of wiccan (?) things for a while, if I were to start I wouldn't even know how to start though. (my autistic ass does not leave the house and my mom would probably think it's weird to make strange concoctions of things) I also don't really know how deities work and how do you find out which one your communicating with? Tbh I've always felt like someone is around but whatever god it is seriously fucking hates me /hj Been better since I started medication but like the luck I have is 50/50 good bad and that is probably not normal. If you answer this it'd be very helpful.

Hi! Thanks for the ask!

I just want to start by defining a few terms for you :)

Wicca/Wiccan: A pagan religion that focuses on nature, magic and witchcraft. It was founded in the mid 20th century and Wiccans primarily worship 2 Gods which are personifications of nature.

Witch: Just a person who practices witchcraft. It's a non-gendered term and a non-religious term/practice. Not all witches are Wiccan but all Wiccans are witches. Witches can be absolutely anyone

Personally, I'm not Wiccan so I can't really tell you much about that but if there is one thing I know, it's witchcraft! There are many different places to start but I'm going to condense it down as much as humanly possible. It'll probably feel like a bit of information overload so just try to take it slow and relax. Enjoy the learning.

My favourite book for beginner witchcraft is 'Witchery: Embrace the Witch Within' by Juliet Diaz. She is a fantastic author and wonderful human. Everything about the basics of witchcraft you could need is in that book (imo). You should be able to find a pdf online if you can't get a physical copy.

As for youtube channels with solid content:

Harmony Nice: She covers everything Wicca. She has a playlist with all her Wiccan/witchy content witch is linked here

The Witch of Wonderlust: Olivia has been a favourite witchy youtuber of mine for a while. I wouldn't recommend jumping into her videos without any prior knowledge but once you have a grasp on the bare bones it should be okay. Here is a playlist she made with everything you could possibly need when beginning witchcraft. SOrt through the videos and see what peeks your interest.

The Hearth Witch: Another wonderful account if I remember correctly. Her videos used to be on the longer end (30-60mins) so if you have a short attention span then maybe not but she has a wealth of information.

I also recommend joining a few discord servers, following a few pages on tumblr just to get acquainted with the community and terminology.

Okay, on to the deity work situation. Deity work is generally considered more intermediate in the witchcraft community. key words being 'Deity WORK'. Worship is completely fair game. Setting up an altar, praying, leaving offerings, doing activities in devotion to the deity is absolutely something you can do relatively quickly.

As for IDing a deity, most people do it through 'divination' which is things like tarot, a pendulum, dice, bone throwing, and other ways. Most people also ask for signs that a specific deity is 'reaching out' to them or wants them to pay attention. You can also politely ask someone who is volunteering their time on tumblr or a discord server to find out for you via divination. If they don't say their doing free readings, obviously, don't ask.

Finally. luck is luck. It makes no sense for a literal God to hate a human. We all have periods of shitty luck and awesome luck! I wouldn't blame that on anything. Sometimes bad things just happen unfortunately. But sometimes amazing things also happen, even if it's just as small is finding 5 cents on the footpath.

That was so long. Congrats if you made it to the end because I nearly didn't when writing this. I hope this helped a bit. Feel free to reach out if you need a hand with anything. Thanks :)

[hiemaldesirae]

Question: how would your characterization of demon Alastor react to finding out for the last 60+ years that what he thought was Vox breaking up with him was actually Demon!Valentino drugging/r**ping him with his venom/aphrodisiac and Vox has No memory of what he and Alastor actually had? No memory of anything except maybe the last month? And to find out Valentino only did this so Vox (who was becoming a TV mogul) would put his pornos on the tv. How would he help Vox remember? What would he do to Valentino? Would Velvette also suffer?

okay so. nonny, i wont blame you for not knowing, especially since ive never explicitly talked about it on main, but for future reference, im not that big on the whole abusive staticmoth dynamic. i can see why others enjoy it, and i do read stories with it from time to time simply because the premise captivates me that much, but in general id say i much more prefer a version where val and vox are at the very least best friends if not crossing into the sort of blurry best friends who smooch sometimes territory.

now having said that, i'll still answer your question because again, not very fair of me to just brush you off for no reason when i never made my preferences clear beforehand. (this gets long, so i'll leave a readmore.) warning: my demon radiostatics are always freak4freak no matter what. so this does get a little iffy in terms of ethics

my favourite interpretation of radiostatic is two sickos who are just as closely obsessed with each other, so in the unlikely case that al would let vox go for that long, when he realizes again the first thing he's going to do is go and. well. for lack of a better term, atticwife him (i hope to god this isn't just a term used in east asian fandoms because if i have to explain this ill eat lead). maybe after a little bit of time, he'll allow vox some liberties, but even then it'd be very little. ill put it this way- imagine the most toxic irl relationship you can: someone who tracks and micromanages their partners every move, barely lets them outside the house without going with them, monitors every friendship that they allow their partner to have, and there you have it. thats radiostatic! ah, young love. so sweet, dont you think? after all, alastor can't risk his muse's eyes slipping off him again. he's been deprived of that attention for far too long, and it wasn't even by his own doing! that's an offense in and of itself.

now im assuming that its only val who's doing the exploitation here so presumably vel would have no hand in any of the mess, and perhaps not even be fully aware of the nuances behind the scenes. i mean, it wouldn't really matter either way because once alastor finds out the reason why his other half hasnt been reciprocating their insane little song and dance he's getting rid of any and all obstacles, permanently. vox doesnt need anyone else so long as he has him- and hey, he was friends with him, rosie and husk first, so its not even as if its much of a loss. the only people he'd presumably leave alive would be voxs own contracted souls, and even then thats a bit of a gamble depending on just how bad i want the both of them to be: without his contracted souls, vox would be weaker and more susceptible to whatever alastor wants, so i guess its a matter of whether or not i want the freak4freak relationship where theyre both equally strong but vox willingly submits because he gets more thrill out of it that way or whether i want freak4freak where vox has to struggle way harder and still ends up giving in anyway because al is simply stronger

as for what he'd actually *do* to val. i mean. he does still have that radio broadcast of his, doesn't he? i think you can probably put the pieces together. the thing with animal sinners is that theres simply so many parts of them to break... show-wise, i never understood how overlords like alastor or val could even rise to their position, with the amount of weak spots they must have. that broken antenna vox and val share is certainly something that speaks to their higher vulnerability. and moth wings are especially fragile: i owned little silkworm moths at one point (they were my babies, i loved them for the month or so i got to care for them) but their wings were so thin they were wearing holes in them by the second or third day. val's coat-wings look much thicker in comparison, but of course, my perception is limited by the show only. so i mean, who knows? im sure whatever happens, itll make the best entertainment in al's eyes :)

[temporalbystander]

You know, random post out of the blue. I am working on the next chapter (amazing I know) but after watching a YouTube video that made me angry, something has occured to me. Something that's probably not healthy.

Below the cut, I express my feelings in such a way that now requires me to make another post about what I actually meant to write here before I went of the rails.

tldr: A very long talk about how, while I know I can write for my enjoyment of it, my recent muse is anger and spite. Which seems to work.

I think anger and spite is my creativity fuel. I gave up on the episode recaps as Faybon because it was depressing me how far it strayed from the show I loved, the show that gave me hundreds of ideas for one offs and how to create a new character or kwami or akumas. Let me put it this way. I may have shared this before but there was a period of time where I went without a computer. During this time I wrote down any story ideas down in a little pocket notebook and wrote the chapters themselves down in what we call exercise books. Just A4 lined paper during that time I filled two of the spiral notebooks with ideas and reminders on each episode of the first three seasons of Miraculous and the New York and Shanghai movies. In the text books about half of what I first started writing was Miraculous related. I wrote about 8 full chapters that I had a friend read over for me who absolutely loved it. He also loved the Lego Friends "Girls on a mission" chapters I wrote, which also totalled about another 4 to 5 chapters and a small notebook.... What was I saying?

Oh right, my writing. Anyway. In my time without a computer tablet I wrote more for Harry Potter, Naruto, the above mentioned Miraculous and Lego Friends, and even started writing ideas for Dragon ball, the Addams family, TMNT, Kingdom Hearts, a brief bit of the Winx story I never started years ago, and even started 2 original stories. Suffice to say I'm more than capable of writing for my own pleasure.

However, the moment Miraculous season 5 started making me sad I lost all drive. It wasn't fun for me anymore. I was getting the most likes ever on my Faybon watches yet the lack of any feedback made it seem like people were just happy to see screenshots of their favourite show and couldn't care less about what story I was trying to tell through it. I then wavered on what I wanted to do. Roleplaying was flopping, I didn't want to interact with all the people posting about a show I no longer enjoyed because it didnt seem fair to them, and I wouldn't interact with blogs that weren't miraculous related because I didn't feel right trying to insert myself into their worlds as an original character only I knew the ins and outs of. I reblogged all manner of starters and even created my own custom ask setup to learn about Faybon but again, the interest was never there.

Then season 5 ended and I heard about it. I suppose I was still holding out some hope I'd get back into it which is why I hadn't completely purged who I followed (if I had the only miraculous blogs Id follow would be those like Buggachat, so only like 4 of them.) But once I did? Well you saw what happened. I snapped and, in the process of doing so, came up with two brand new story ideas. One an AU that I abandoned quickly because I kind of ruined it before it started with all my posts here about Faybon, and the fact that in an au the OC's stand out even more than normal, especially when interacting closely with the main cast. And then there's my post season 5 story that I've only just gotten back into by reminding myself why I started it. Because I'd envisioned Faybon in such a way that I knew how he'd react to what was happening and what had to happen. If I was upset about how things went? Well, as those who read my story are aware, Faybon was furious. And I needed to write that.

[saturnsstufff]

The Empress pt.VII

Ya like weddings?

Warnings: Hinting to sexual Innuendos.

   “I don't mind them” you said, taking your seat in front of him per usual. “Why do you ask?” you questioned, your head tilting slightly. your eyes watching his kind ones.

   “General Hawthorne is marrying her lover, since she is a friend of mine since our early childhood, she asked me to walk her down the isle in place of her deceased father” you smiled gently finding that action very sweet. “Since I was going with my family... I was curious if you would attend as my date perhaps?” pink dusted his cheeks, watching your eyes intently for your response. your cheeks flushed at the question.

   “I-Id love too” you said, eyes slightly widened. You could feel your heart beating faster, subconsciously you started to fidget with your hands. He asked you as his date. Phil’s words laced through your mind slowly. 

   Techno's form visibly relaxed at your words. feeling a major weight lifted off his shoulders. He had herd from Phil that you were quite soft with the thought of him, as was Techno of you. after your nightly snowball fight, Techno couldn't get you out of his mind. That night he thought for hours on the sight of you under him, smiling ever so fondly up at him. It had his heart in complete knots. He could tell you trusted him completely. For how you always put your guard down around him, it made it easy for him to read you. He saw your lingering eyes at dinners and the casual times you would reach out for him, hug him or just make attempts at contact. He could hear how your voice was when he had to leave. You wanted him to stay. Techno would admit, although he wasn't one for many gatherings. the idea of seeing you in something more formal had him rather eager. He never had a taste for the court women, there poofy frilly dresses, all the extra jewelry they would drape on themselves. He never found attraction to it. Yet when his eyes linger to you, he couldn't wait to see how you presented yourself. Would you wear jewelry? He thought back to the golden earrings you had made a while ago. his eyes lingered to his desk drawer.

   “I suppose if your going as my date, you should have the finest things. correct?” Techno's eyes glanced to you. You looked at him doe-eyed, he had to clear his throat and glance away. His cheeks going pinker at the sight of you.

   “I-I... I mean, I’ll be ok with what I have Techno” You watched him. He pulled one of his drawers out and taken something out.

   Techno sighed. “(y/n) I'm gonna be honest with you...” He said walking to stand in front of you. He offered you his hand, when you took it you could feel how clamy his hand was. He was nervous. He gently pulled you up so you were standing in front of him. although he towered you, you were not scared by his presence. You actually found him very comforting. He gently let go of your hand and showed you a little velvet box. You recognized this box easily. It’s what you put the earrings you made in. “Do you remember these?” He asked. You nodded in response. how could you forget after all. “What was the ingot, and gem’s I gave you, when you made these?” You paused briefly. thinking back on this.

   “It was a gold ingot, and emerald's” You said looking up to him, your eyes never leaving his. 

   “It wasn't just any golden ingot” He said, his eyes now finding yours. “Do you remember when I raided that Mansion? the night we found Tommy?” You nodded. again, how could you forget something that was important to you. Yes, you remembered it for Tommy, but it also was the day Techno said the two of you were friends. “That night I left with a totem of undying. That totem will guarantee that the person holding it will not die.” He pressed his lips.  collecting his thoughts. “I..I-I don't let people very close to me... But you, Your just different. I-I, I cant put my finger on why. But you are, and when I say I will protect you. I promise, I will protect you.” His cheeks were a light red now. He was stumbling over his words as he opened the box to show the earrings you made. “I understand that at times, I wont be at your side. But I made a promise to your father, that at no point would I ley harm befall you” You gently rested your hand on his to reassure him. He was nervous, you knew he had no reason to. But that didn't stop him from stumbling over himself. “What I'm tryin’ to say is. Please... Please wear these for me...”

   You knew Techno well enough to know that this was his way of saying he cared for you. He was asking you to wear something that would prevent your life from ending. You gave him a kind smile, almost a loving one. “Anything to make you happy” You said softly. His eyes softened by ten-fold. Oh you definitely had his heart in your hand. “could you put them in for me?” You asked, looking up at him. He gave you a slow nod. gently removing your studs, he placed them on his desk as to not loose them to the floor. You felt him put your new emerald earrings in. The Gold of them made with totem of undying. The earrings you now wore, were the same style ones that Techno and Phil wore together. The three of you now having matching earrings.

   Techno’s eyes lingered as he put the earrings in. You were so warm to the touch, your skin ever so soft. when you looked up to him with innocence. He couldn't help but think of other things...

   later that night you were sitting on your bed thinking. You had forgotten to ask Techno about himself. Far to lost with the moment he gave you, your new favorite earrings. You glanced to your clock. It was late. Your mind drifted back to Techno. You couldn't stop yourself, you wanted to see him again and talk to him more. 

   “maybe... just a quick visit...” you said to yourself as you got up, slowly waling out of your room. Heading for Technoblade’s room. You had never been to his room, of course you’ve passed it. But you’ve never had a reason to enter, until now. You knocked gently on the large door. waiting for a ‘Enter’ or some signal to go in.

   When the door opened it was your turn to go speechless, and red with blush. Techno stood there lazily, his hair was completely down and brushed out of every braid he normally wore. He had no crown, and no shirt. You couldn't help how your eyes fell, I mean you already were chest level with him, but this did not help. He did go pink at your longing stare, choosing to tease you about it for more amusement. “You know my eye’s are up here Princess...” You drew in a breath and quickly spewed out apologies. only earning a fond chuckle from him. “I'm only kiddin’” He leaned on the door way well giving you a moment to compose yourself. Your blush never leaving. “what brings you to my room? Don't tell me your still tryna’ sleep with me now” You gave him a shy smile before starting.

   “I uhm.. wanted to actually ask you a bit about yourself... I meant to earlier, but we were side tracked with the earrings.” You explained. He hummed and stepped aside for you. You gave him a quizzical look not understanding why he moved.

   “I'm not going to talk to you at my doorway, Princess” You realized he wanted you to come inside. you slowly entered, having not expected this turn of advents. Well you looked around you realized he actually had a nice room. It was a decent size room. In the middle was a rather large, four-poster bed, the covers were pulled back a bit signaling he probably had just gotten out of bed to get the door. There was a fireplace across from his bed with two sofa’s placed in front of it. He had two doors made of glass that led to a rather large balcony beside his bed. Where the room looked natural, there were books lingering, and set aside everywhere, he had bookshelves against the wall. Somehow it fit for him. On one wall there were two doors. one probably being a bathroom and the other for a closet. His room was actually pretty cold contrasting to the way it looked. You assumed it was like this because his body temperature was hotter like Phil said. “Would you like to sit at the sofa or the bed?” his eyes lingered yours. 

   Glancing between the two you really didn't mind, your rubbed your arms from the chill of the room well you thought. Techno had noticed this and walked towards his bed, pulling the covers back more. “Here... clime in over here. If your cold now, your just going to get colder.” you looked to him and went pink. You chewed your lip a bit thinking, ultimately deciding it wouldn't hurt to sit beside him.

   You walked over and climbed up onto his bed. it was so soft, you relaxed down and pulled the covers over your legs, praying for the heaviness of the blankets to rush forth their warmth. Techno climbed in next to you and got comfortable again. As he shifted he figured he would ask. “So what was it you wanted to ask me?” he moved his head to face yours. 

   You both were laying on your backs, loosely facing each other. “Well... I guess id just like to know more. You know about my childhood and stuff... I was curious if I could know about yours maybe” He pondered a bit, thinking about your words.

   “I suppose that’s fair. It’s a bit lengthy though, princess” you shifted your body and faced him, showing he had your full attention.

   “I don't mind. Your interesting, anything you tell me will be worth it” He smiled softly at you.

   “is that so...” he mused. You nodded and he lightly chuckled, running a hand over his face well he thought. Your eyes lingered down his jaw to his neck. Without his usual pendants it looked bare, he had a prominent collar bone. His shoulder muscles also were very prominent. All in all Techno had a side profile of a god. 

   After Techno thought of were to start, he slowly began. “When I was about one or two Phil had found me in the Nether. I guess he was just making a supply run for some potions and I was just left behind. He couldn't leave me there so he took me home with him... That's when I met my Mother. She was a very kind and loving person... She always cared more about others than herself. She Taught me how to read, write, she basically taught me everything she could..” His eyes went a little sad. you watched his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed thickly. “She didn't care that I was a hybrid, she was always protective of me... If someone from the court made a comment on me not being a prince she wouldn't hesitate to stand up for my name. Of course Phil would stand up for me too, but mother was the most protective of her boys.” He took a deep breath pondering again. “when I was five Mother had Wilbur, it was a weird adjustment to being a older brother, but I didn't care, I took Wil with me wherever I could. He could be a massive pain, but he’s still my brother” You gave him a sweet smile, finding it cute of how he talked about his brother. “When Wilbur was Four, I was Nine.” he gave a slight pained laugh. suppressing his emotion. “It was right after my birthday... Mother and Dadza had sat down for a dinner. In the middle of it she started to choke. We knew there was a spy among us, after all we were in a rough spot with one other country." He let out a sharp breath "But those bastards targeted her." You gently rested your hand on his arm for reassurance, your smile having fallen. Gently rubbing your thumb over his arm. You didn't realize how strong he was until you felt his muscles under your hand. Slowly he continued on. "I had always herd voices.. they linger and get louder when they ban together... sometimes they request things... Other times just they talk among themselves...” Your brow furrowed as his tone lowered and slowed. His head turned to you, almost checking to make sure he didn't scare you with that information. He was tense, but as soon as he met your eyes he relaxed slowly. “When Dadza and I realized why she was choking... We found out my voices had a very keen ideal for violence... Her funeral was hard... The whole palace adored her completely... Not to mention Wilbur took it the hardest... It does still bother me on some days... But after a while I just came to terms she wouldn't come back." Your slowly rubbed your thumb over his arm again. Gently giving a squeeze to show some reassurance. He gave a soft slight smile. Resting his hand on yours. " When I turned Fifteen Dadza had stepped down from the throne and gave it to me. He said it was time to make a name for myself. About that time Sarah Joined the army. That's when we started turning our small kingdom into a expanding Empire. We had the same ideals and goals so we knew with each others support we could do it” you watched him. Unlike Wilbur who wasn't over his mothers death, Techno, like he said was over his stage of grief. He mourned, but knew nothing would bring her back. So it was best not to live in the past.

   You adjusted your head on the pillows to see him better. "You said Sarah was a childhood friend?" He hummed, his hand still rested on yours. Offering warmth to your rather cold ones.

   "I know I met her when my mother was alive. Sarah's mom was my mothers personal Knight, and best friend. Sarah's father was part of our court too, so she was always around one way or another." Techno subconsciously shifted closer to you. Your hand still beneath his. "The court tried to set us up, but Sarah made it clear that she was strictly devoted to her work. Well, she was. Couple months months ago she proposed to the jeweler's Daughter. So as of lately she's been trying to sort things out for the wedding." You smiled softly. Happy that she had someone to confide her love in. "Sarah's a good General... She has her blood thirsty tendencies, but she's a good woman. She just wants, what's best for the Empire and for the Royal family." He let your hand go and slowly turned to face you, now resting on his side. His eyes lingered yours and then slowly dropped down to your lips, and neck. He took your hand in his and and held it gently. Liking the feeling of your gentle hand in his.

   Your hand wasn't soft, it was calloused with the hard work you put into your trade. Although Calloused they were ever so gentle. When Techno held your hand he could only marvel at how tiny it was.

   Recently techno had started thinking. Especially after the snowball fight. You laced his mind before, but now it was becoming a awfully noticeable. You were actually the other reason Seraphina was in Techno's office. Techno had a feeling that what he felt for you, went beyond a casual friendship. But, he's had no prior relationships to base this off of so he needed a outside opinion.

    He found himself pondering you quite often, whether late at night, when he was in his office. Ect. He had even talked to Phil about it. Sarah poked fun that Techno finally had fallen for someone, specifically you. Unlike Sarah, Phil was casual when talking to Techno. Asking if you made him happy, if your happiness was important to him. Techno knew he wanted someone strong, kind, and gentle. But also someone who could make a elegant, but confident Empress. When he thought of you, he knew you were everything he wanted. You were kind, gentle, hardworking, smart, and your confidence was growing daily. Phil had mentioned that he knew he had met the right person, when he couldn't see her with anyone else but him. When Techno tried to imagine you with a different man, he could feel his stomach twist into the beginning of jealously.

   Well he pondered this, it hit him. Almost full force.

   He wanted you.

   After the talk of Techno's childhood, and Sarah's wedding. You two sat in a soft silence, having no urge to talk and disrupt it. The walls had the light of the fire dancing in front of you two. the light dancing over techno’s and your face. Your eyes flickered between each other, almost waiting for someone to make a move. Occasionally techno would glance to your lips or neck again. But you would also catch him looking at your earring. He was always hard to read, so you just sat admiring him. Wishing to wrap your arms around him in another hug.

   Soon his hand let yours go. You gave him a slight confused expression, having loved the feeling of his hand on yours. you went to protest but you were cut off.

   Techno cupped your cheek gently. Moving closer to press his lips to yours in a ever so sweet kiss. It wasn't forced, he allowed room incase you wished to pull back from him. But thankfully you didn't. You rested your hand on his and kissed him back with everything you had. 

   The kiss was worth a million words. Unspoken words. Techno had a hard time explaining his feelings. But his actions always shown where he stood with people, and where he wanted to stand with you, was right at your side.

   He did slowly part from you, his eyes lingering yours for any sign of disproval or hesitation. But he saw none. You were looking up at him doe-eyed, he couldn't help but want to stare at how pleading you looked.

   "May I.. k...kiss you again?..." He asked softly. You nodded, your cheeks far past pink and going to a hot red. You could only utter out a quiet 'please'.

   He didn't hesitate to give you what you wished for. His lips were back on yours. To make it easier he sat up on his elbow a bit and wrapped his arm around your waist. Pulling you tightly against him, well his lips never left yours. He could feel your arm snake around his neck, the other one resting on his chest. your body was beckoning him closer. His hand held firm on your back, keeping you pressed to him. He didn't want to let you go, now that he had you. now that you were in his bed. He wanted nothing more than to keep you close and protected.

   The kiss, although loving and soft, was deep and passionate. Something that you and Techno had wanted from each other, and now that it was a arm's length away, you were not going to let it go.

   Techno had wanted this moment longer than he realized. The feeling of your soft lips on his was addicting, he didn't want to stop. Without much thought he gently moved his hand down to your thigh, pulling it closer so your legs intertwined with his. Only roughly a hour ago he was joking about you sleeping with him. But if you continued your grip on his shoulder he sworn he may have just went through with it. Techno couldn't deny it any longer.

He was in love.

@goldensunshineshit @snobunns @olyink @lolitsellieletsgobro @jackalopedoodles @angelic-scent @coolleviauchihadreamerlove @artsimatsu @justabalroginthenet @seme1e @fangirl570 @sweeetteaa @awlawdtheycoming @idkwhatusernametohave @sugarandspicebutnonice @bambibunz @lynnarts @buzzybeebee @feathersthewinged @prefesro @astroninaaa

[gay-otlc]

Can we talk about how Sophie has trichotillomania?

Because I've been involved in KOTLC fandoms for over two years and I've heard it mentioned exactly once.

Trichotillomania is a disorder characterized by uncontrollable, repetitive pulling of hair. This can be scalp hair, eyebrows, arm hair, leg hair, eyelashes, really any type of hair. Even though the person knows they aren't supposed to enjoy pulling, they get a weird sense of pleasure or calm from it, and it's difficult to stop. Pulling is frequently done in stressful situations.

Does that sound familiar to anyone? Ring any bells?

Yeah, it sounds like Sophie Foster.

In the books, it's played off as sort of just another nervous habit, a weird quirk of Sophie's. It's mentioned a few times by other friends/adult figures as they ask whether it hurts, but when she says no, they don't tell her to stop. She's often described as "pulling on an itchy eyelash," but it seems to be more of a stress response than something causing her stress.

I thought it was just another weird quirk of hers until I started pulling out my hair. I would pull it most when I was stressed, and it always felt "itchy" just before I did.

It was horrible. Trichotillomania is fucking destructive. At my worst point, I had a huge, gaping bald spot. I didn't talk to people because I was ashamed of my hair. I missed class once because I couldn't tear myself away from the mirror and stop pulling. I spent hours in front of the mirror each day, checking and checking to make sure no one would know anything was weird if they looked at me.

It was so hard. And I felt so alone.

Now, as I said before, I read KOTLC nearly three years ago and have been making fan content for over two. Suffice it to say that series means a lot to me. How do you think it would have felt, if the protagonist of this huge part of my life, was just like me, struggled like me, and it turned out okay for her? I would have had so much hope that it could get better instead of climbing and clawing for every shred of progress.

Now, how do you think it felt to see that protagonist go through something similar, but it didn't matter much to her? It made me feel like some whiny bitch for being this upset about my hair. If Sophie Foster could have trich and go through life functioning fine (well, not really, but the trich doesn't make anything worse for her is my point), why couldn't I? Pathetic.

Like most days, today is a good day to get pissed at L*ura, so I'm going to use her art as an example. This is a close up screenshot of Sophie's eye (please ignore the cursor in the middle, my computer hates me).

[Image ID: A close up picture of an brown eye. It has long, dark eyelashes surrounding it and a cursor covering the pupil.]

(Please tell me if my image ID is shit idk how to write these.)

As we can clearly see, Sophie has long, dark eyelashes. The top eyelashes are most obvious, but there's a fair amount on the bottom as well. It's been a while since I've read the books, but Sophie doesn't wear makeup much, if I recall correctly. So she probably wouldn't be wearing mascara.

Then why the fuckity fuck do her eyelashes look so, for lack of a better word, normal, when she pulls them every three paragraphs?

People with trichotillomania look like they have trichotillomania. I have a bald spot. When I did all my research on trich in an OCD spiral, one writer said she had to wear wigs. Another said she had zero eyelashes for years. Someone on here (not saying who just in case they don't want me to) said their left eyebrow was nearly gone.

I hated how I looked in the worst of my trichotillomania days. It's less noticeable now, but I still hate it. I feel like a freak, to not have hair like a 'normal' person.

Now, Sophie Foster is described as beautiful. She has all the boys and the girls after her. She's an elf, all elves are beautiful. But she pulls out her eyelashes, and she pulls out her eyelashes so often, that unless elf hair grows at really different speeds (which I doubt it would, considering that would have been very noticeable when Sophie lived with humans), she would have no or very few eyelashes.

And yet, that was erased in her official art. Why? Because apparently, people can't look like they have trich and still be beautiful.

But that's bullshit. People with trich are beautiful. I am looking in mirrors and trying to tell myself I look beautiful instead of crying. Bald spots are beautiful. Eyes without eyelashes are beautiful. Brow ridges without eyebrows are beautiful.

People with trich are beautiful, dammit!

So give us that, Shannon. Give that to your readers who don't have trich, so they understand it, and your readers who do, so they see themselves for the first time and don't feel alone.

Give us Sophie Foster thinking she's ugly and a freak because she doesn't have eyelashes, and give us Keefe or Fitz or Biana or whoever telling her she still is.

Give us Sophie Foster trying to sit on her hands, telling herself not to pull, doing it anyway, and hating herself.

Give us Sophie Foster standing in front of the mirror and crying because she can't stop, she can't stop.

Give us Sophie Foster seeking help and trying to get better, trying to heal.

Give us Sophie Foster trying and relapsing and trying and relapsing and trying and relapsing and trying.

If you're going to give us Sophie Foster with trichotillomania, give us a character with trichotillomania.

[topsytervy]

Hello ~ Rafe Cameron

This is Part 2 to Goodbye cause I had the thought in my head and I didn't want to write it only for it to sit in my docs so you can read Goodbye (aka Part 1) here.

Blurb: A lot can change in five years.

Word Count: 3,677

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, smoking, cocaine, spelling/grammar mistakes, i think that's it.

Small note: I’m 19 and have never planned a wedding. I’ve been to my fair share of weddings as guests and my only experience with a wedding would have been when my sister got married, however, her in-laws are kind of assholes so her wedding was really lowkey and shit, like it took place in my sister backyard lowkey, cause her mother-in-law was like 'Im not paying for anything cause you guys wont last but I'll pay for your sisters weddings' so like I’m winging half of this shit if not most of it. I’m sorry.

~~~~~

It was 5 years later.

You were 21, along with the rest of the pogues, and able to legally drink and purchase alcohol. So no more hassle with a fake ID.

Nothing had changed except for college and jobs. You and JJ had broken up after two years of dating and, much to everyone's surprise, it was like nothing had ever happened between you two.

It was insanely easy to slip back into the friend zone with JJ, despite both of you thinking that it would be awkward. Both of you fell back into old habits fairly quickly. Sure there were the first couple of weeks where you two felt as if you had to force normality but after that, it was like nothing happened. Sure, JJ still called you princess and you still found yourself hiding into his side during scary movies, but those were habits you two had prior to dating, and old habits die hard.

The only other difference was that John B and Sarah were getting married.

They were planning on getting married at The Lodge at Bear River in fall which meant a ferry to the mainland and then an almost 8-hour road trip to the venue. 

You, Kie, and Wheezie were bridesmaids, Kie being maid of honor, and Pope, JJ, and much to John B's displeasure, Rafe were groomsmen, JJ being best man. 

You and Pope were walking together which left Rafe and his half-sister to walk together. 

Rafe looked at his sister and John B, trying to stay as unphased as possible. "Y/N's gonna be a part of the wedding party?" He asked, taking a drag from his cigarette from his spot by the pool. 

John B and Sarah were outside at the patio table with their wedding planner, going over guests and the wedding party. The three looked over at Rafe and Sarah nodded.

"Why wouldn't she?"

"No reason. If you need someone to walk with her, I'll do it." He told her as nonchalantly as possible. 

"She's walking with Pope." John B responded. Rafe made a face as he brought the cigarette back up to his lips and John B narrowed his eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is there a problem?" Sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"No. No problem. It's your wedding."

John B rolled his eyes before turning back to the wedding planner. 

Rafe stood up and walked inside, flipping John B the bird as he walked by. He felt as if John B was put on this earth just to make him miserable at this point.

Rafe walked over to the bar and fixed himself a drink, Wheezie rolling her eyes from her spot on the couch in between Rose and Ward, who were currently scrolling through formal wear for the wedding. 

"Dad, Rafe's day drinking... again." The now eighteen-year-old piped up.

Rafe glared at her. "Just wait Wheezie. This will be you in a few years." He told his half-sister with a smirk.

Wheezie scrunched up her face in disgust at the sight of her brother holding his cigarette in one hand and drink in the other.

Rose, a glass of wine in her hand, rolled her eyes at her stepson as Ward, a gin and tonic in his hand, just sighed. "It's five o'clock somewhere, Wheezie." 

Rafe clinked his glass against his father’s as he made his way upstairs to his old room that he was temporarily staying in since his apartment building had taken some damage during the latest hurricane and was currently getting the necessary repairs done, and closed the door behind him. He sat down at his old desk chair and looked at the corkboard above the desk where a couple of polaroid pictures of you hung. The pictures were the first thing Rafe went looking for when he had gotten back to his apartment, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw the little lockbox he had stored the polaroids still in the closet and completely unscathed. Rafe downed his drink as he swiveled his chair back and forth. 

Of course, John B wouldn't pair you and him up. That would be helping a brother out. Rafe did everything he could to show that he changed once he heard you and JJ broke up.

 He quit cocaine and took up cigarettes instead. He went back to college and got a business degree. He was currently working and getting along with his father. He had his life together, mostly, and on track. The only thing missing from his life was you.

He had barely spent more than 5 minutes in a room with you since the breakup because you were either by JJ or you retreated as far from him as possible. He'd casually bring you up in conversation with John B and your friend would just roll his eyes. 

"We don't bring you up in conversations, Rafe." John B told him one day.

That cut the blue-eyed man deep.

Especially since this was after Rafe gave John B the money he needed to buy Sarah an engagement ring. 

Some wingman John B was.

Rafe stood up with a sigh and walked downstairs, deciding to bring the entire bottle of whiskey upstairs since he could already tell it was going to be one of those nights. He halted by the patio door though when he heard his sister and John B start talking.

“Would it be that bad to pair Rafe and Y/N up for the wedding? I highly doubt Wheezie wants to walk with him. At least Y/N won’t whine about it.” She asked as she placed a hand on his arm, the wedding planner nowhere in sight.

Rafe leaned against the wall, biting his lip as he waited for John B’s answer. If Rafe was being honest, he was kind of surprised that his sister would even consider asking John B that since she could care less about what Rafe wanted.

“Sarah, I love you but you did not see her that day or the day after or the following month and a half after that. Do you know how hard it was seeing Y/N like that? Heartbroken. Not wanting to get out of bed. Thinking she did the wrong thing and that caused him to go over the edge. Do you know how many times JJ, Pope, Kie and I caught her reading the obituaries to make sure Rafe’s name wasn’t in there?” John B looked at his fiancée. “I’m not pairing them up together without her permission. That’s that.”

“Then ask her.”

"What?" 

"Ask Y/N if she wants to walk with Rafe?" Sarah saw the 'are you kidding' look in John B's eyes. "I'm serious John B. Rafe's changed a lot and, despite what you think, you cannot keep her from talking or seeing my brother all your life."

"I can try." The curly-haired boy stated, crossing his arms.

"You know what, JB? You are acting like a damn child. It is not going to break Y/N/N if you ask her one small question that contains the name Rafe, okay? I'm sure she can hear his name and not break down or something. It's been long enough. Let him have that 5 minutes he needs to talk to her cause, yeah I do not doubt that Y/N took their breakup hard, but what about Rafe? Hmm? Believe it or not John B, but my brother has fucking feelings too, okay. He probably took that break up just as hard and Wheezie and I witnessed it. So stop acting like even whispering Rafe's name will break her and just fucking ask her if she wants to walk with Rafe or Pope."

"Fine. If it makes you and Rafe happy, I'll ask her." John B huffed.

Rafe didn't stay to hear the rest, just turned around and walked back to his room, the whiskey bottle long forgotten. 

****

Fall had come quickly and the wedding date came even faster. It was like Rafe blinked and then he was on the ferry two days before the wedding, sitting next to you, very awkwardly might I add, his leg bouncing up and down as he played with his fingers. It was like he didn't know what to do with his hands. After all these years, the most natural thing to do with one of his hands was still to place it on your thigh and the amount of willpower it took to not do that exact thing was unbelievable.

Rafe had told his dad that he was going to rent his own car because eight hours in a car with his family was a hard no for him. 

So there he was, walking over to the car he rented and opening the door before stopping and watching you get in a car with Pope, Kie, and JJ.

You glanced up just before you got in, making eye contact with him. You gave him a small smile to make it a little less awkward and Rafe returned the smile before hopping into the car. He watched you guys pull away and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh before putting the key into the ignition and starting the car. 

This was going to be the longest three days of his life.

***

He was happy for the long-ass drive of day one considering once everyone got to the hotel, there was a silent, collective decision to all just turn in for the night. 

Day two was a little less chill. After being awoken by a panicked banging on the door of his hotel room, Rafe got out of bed as quickly as he could and opened the door, only to be greeted by Sarah who roughly pushed past him into his room.

“Yeah. Come on in. Good morning to you too.” He deadpanned before shutting the door.

“What the hell am I doing, Rafe?” She asked out of the blue, causing a look of confusion to settle on his face.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” He stated.

He watched as Sarah sat on his bed and ran her hands through her hair, letting out a breath. “Is this too soon? Am I getting married too young? Like, I’m 21, Rafe. I should be out getting blackout drunk and having hookups and having regrets but instead, I’m doing the exact opposite.” She rambled.

“Okay. I see what’s happening now.” Rafe walked over and sat down next to Sarah. “Sarah, trust me when I say that marrying John B will not hurt any of that. I guarantee that you and John B will get blackout drunk together and call someone for a ride. I guarantee you will be having hookups, it’s just that all of them will be with John B. And you will have regrets. What those regrets are, I have no fucking clue but life is full of them. Trust me, I have a lot of regrets and I’m only 24.” Rafe told her. “But, I don’t think marrying John B is going to be one of your regrets. Canceling this wedding would be. After all, the venue does say no refunds.”

Sarah snorted slightly and Rafe bumped his shoulder against hers. “Believe me, Sarah, if anyone is ready to get married at this age, it’s you. You came down with a damn binder filled to the brim when you were like seven and placed it in front of me and dad on the coffee table and told dad to start making connections with everyone in that binder, right down to the dress designer.”

Sarah smiled before turning and wrapping her arms around Rafe. “Who would’ve thought you could give a pep talk. And liked John B.” She said.

Rafe slowly wrapped his arms around his younger sister. “Apparently you because you came to me. However, this does not mean I like John B. I am not going to start canceling shit just to have some one-on-one time with that curly-haired surfer dude. Okay? I simply tolerate him because he somehow makes you happy.”

After breakfast and lunch that he spent with Wheezie, last-minute plans when he walked to your room to ask you to lunch only to knock and have you answer the door which caused him to quickly abandon that plan and say “Whoops sorry. Room 202 for Wheeze,”, the rehearsal dinner came quickly. 

In all honesty, Rafe wasn't really paying attention to the dinner at all. How could he when you were right there, quite literally within his reach, laughing and smiling?

The actual wedding day itself was stressful leading up to the ceremony but after everyone got where they needed to be, it was smooth sailing. Rafe and Wheezie walked out after Kie and JJ. 

Rafe watched you walk down with Pope and couldn't help the pang of jealousy he felt in his chest. He also couldn't help but imagine himself as the groom and you in a white dress, walking down the aisle towards him.

He quickly shook the thought from his head though, watching you take your place next to Wheezie before turning your attention towards the door to watch his dad and sister walkout. 

You glanced over at Rafe and smiled slightly when you saw him bring a hand up to his cheek, wiping away a tear. You turned your attention to John B before Rafe could look over and catch you staring.

You saw John B wipe his hands on his trousers as subtly as he could. You caught JJ's eyes and he shook his head, mouthing 'fucking whipped' to you.

You nodded and moved your eyes between Sarah and John B before settling them back on JJ. 'Obviously' you mouthed back before the pair of you stopped before someone caught you.

In all honesty, Sarah did and she saw Rafe catch the interaction as well, noticing him swallow hard.

The ceremony went smoothly with no objections -Rafe fought back the urge to object just to mess with everyone but he knew his entire family wouldn't appreciate the humor- and after pictures, everyone moved inside for the reception as the sun began to set.

Dinner and drinks were served, toasts were made -JJ had made sure to include a few of John B's stupid and most embarrassing moments, much to Rafe's pleasure-, and then the dancing began. 

Sarah and Ward had their father/daughter dance and then John B and Sarah had their first dance before everyone else was encouraged to join them on the dance floor.

Wheezie walked over to Rafe and Rafe looked at her. "I am not nearly drunk enough to get out on that floor and dance with you Wheezie."

Wheezie just rolled her eyes. "You have a shot right now to go ask Y/N to dance and no one will even notice you. Take it." Rafe ignored her. "Oh, okay. So you can sit there and stare but you don't have the balls to walk up to her and say 'wanna dance'?"

Rafe glared at his half-sister. "Watch your mouth, Wheezie."

Wheezie took one last glance at the dance floor and shrugged. "That's fine. Looks like someone else did."

Rafe had never scanned a crowd faster than he did right there and sure enough, there you were, a cousin of his with his hands on your waist and yours on his shoulders, moving slowly around the dance floor.

"I'm going out for a smoke," Rafe muttered before getting up and making his way out of the building. 

He stood outside and brought out his pack of cigarettes, along with his lighter, and opened up the little carton. He withdrew a cigarette before closing the pack and shoving it back into his pocket, placing the cigarette between his lips. He heard the song from inside end before another one started back up as he flicked the spark wheel a couple of times, his thumb landing on the fork before a flame appeared.

He cupped his hand in front of the flame and brought the flame to the cigarette that rested between his lips, making a mental note to buy a new lighter since his was running out of juice.

Rafe heard the door open and close as he shoved the lighter back into his pocket and inhaled. He blew out the smoke before looking over to see who had joined him and was a little surprised to see you.

Of course, Rafe knew at some point you'd duck out of the party for some fresh air considering in social situations where they were tons of people, you needed to get away for a bit and recharge your social battery. He just didn't expect you to do that so soon.

You both stared out in front of you, not saying anything and Rafe brought the cigarette to his lips again, taking another drag.

"It's beautiful out here." You breathed out, trying to start some conversation.

Rafe nodded as he exhaled. "Yeah, it is."

"I wouldn't mind getting married here." You added absent-mindedly.

If Rafe had a drink right now, he would've choked at your words. He nodded nonetheless. "Yeah. It's a pretty nice place to get married."

You looked over at Rafe. "You gonna be okay over there, big guy?"

Rafe turned his head to look at you, confusion written all over his face. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you wipe a tear away, bub." Rafe's heart sped up at the nickname that you used to use on him. "When Sarah was walking down the aisle. You gonna be okay or should the same reaction be expected at Wheezie's wedding too?" You smiled as Rafe groaned, tilting his head to look at the almost pitch-black sky.

"Don't even mention Wheezie getting married. To me, she's still that annoying thirteen-year-old that was always eavesdropping and snooping through shit." 

"Awe, Rafe. You got a soft spot for your sisters now. That’s so sweet." You cooed, knowing that when he was 19, the only thing he did was complain about the two Cameron girls. "Seriously though, I think it's sweet that you walked with Wheezie and that you shed a tear today." You told him.

Rafe couldn't stop the words that tumbled out of his mouth. "I wanted to walk with you but you told John B you'd rather walk with Pope."

Way to go, dumbass, he thought to himself.

"What are you talking about?" It was your turn to look confused.

Rafe sighed, taking another drag from his cigarette and letting the smoke pour past his lips as he spoke. "I offered to walk with you and John B said no. I overheard him and Sarah talking a bit later and Sarah told him that it wouldn't hurt to ask if you wanted to walk with me or not. And I think you know the rest."

He might as well fess up about it since his mouth and brain already decided to rat him out anyway.

You shook your head. "I don't know the rest because John B never asked me who I wanted to walk with nor did he ask if I wanted to walk with you."

Rafe looked over at you, his eyes locked on yours. He knew when you were lying and this was not one of those times.

He chuckled before shaking his head. "God. He's such a dick."

You ignored his comment about one of your best friends and walked closer to him. "You seriously wanted to walk with me?"

Rafe nodded, looking down at the ground. He was in way over his head, admitting that after half a decade he was still thinking about you and wanting to be with you. Even if it was for like a 20-second walk down an aisle.

You felt a blush grow on your cheeks as you looked down at your hands, playing with your fingers.

A beat passed before you spoke, keeping your head down. "If it makes you feel better… I would've said yes."

Rafe looked at you. "Yeah?"

You nodded and he took another drag from his cigarette.

"Can we start over?" He asked.

"What?" Your Y/E/C eyes lifted from the ground to meet his blue ones.

"Can we start over?"

You bit your lip. "Yeah. Sure."

Rafe cleared his throat before placing a small smile on his face and giving a little bow. "Hello. I'm Rafe."

You breathed out a laugh before giving Rafe a slight curtsy. "Hello, Rafe. I'm Y/N. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Rafe shook his head. "Oh no. The pleasure is all mine."

Your heads both turned to the building when the song changed once again to a slower song and Rafe took Wheezie's advice on seizing an opportunity. 

"You still like this song?" You nodded once more and Rafe put out his cigarette before extending his hand to you. "Would you like to dance?"

You smiled and took his hand. "Of course."

He placed his hands on your waist and yours looped around his neck, him starting to sway you two slightly.

"You look amazing by the way." Rafe complimented, taking in the lavender color of your bridesmaid dress.

"Thank you. You look rather dashing yourself." You took your hands from his neck and straightened his tie before returning them to where they previously were.

You moved closer to Rafe, resting your head on his chest as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Rafe?" You mumbled towards the end of the song.

"Mhm?"

"I missed you." You admitted.

Rafe smiled before placing a kiss at the top of your head. "I missed you too, Y/N/N."

"Rafe?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you maybe wanna ride back to the ferry together? 8 hours is a long trip.  Especially when you're alone and I have to deal with JJ, Pope, and Kie." 

You heard Rafe’s heart speed up a bit before it calmed back down as he took a deep breath. 

"I would love that."

~~~~~~~

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 10

A/N- Another update??? What is going on??! hope you all enjoy this part 💕 Please like/share/reblog.

Within days of being back home from our weekend at Chris's the lockdown was announced and I spent a day packing up some of mine and Masons belongings that we might need while staying with Chris. While i was feeling very nervous about having to spend this time with Chris, Mason was over the moon! He was so excited that we had to go stay with Chris and Dodger.

Chris arrived early with Scott and they loaded our things into Chris's car.

"This is gonna be so much fun!" Scott said happily.

"Are you staying at Chris's too?"

"I am!"

"Oh god that means you're gonna be trying to get me drunk!"

"Well duh!" He laughed shrugging like it should have been a given.

"God help me you two are gonna be trouble" Chris said shaking his head as he helped Mason into his carseat.

"You knew what you were getting yourself into".

While Chris and Scott started bickering i turned and saw Brian coming out of his house, he stood and watched us and then started to walk towards us.

"Oh shit.... quick lets go, Brians coming over!"

"This guy!" Chris said through gritted teeth shaking his head and looking a little pissed off.

"Morning neighbour!" Brian called out, i turned and gave a quick wave.

"You and Mason leaving?"

"Yep, we're gonna ride this out with family" i nodded and felt Chris wrap his arm around my waist and pull me closer to him.

"Come on sweetheart we should go"

"Yeah sure, take care Brian"

"Wait, you look so familiar...." Brian suddenly said looking more closely at Chris "where have i seen you before?"

"I just have one of those faces, i get that a lot" Chris shrugged casually opening my door for me.

"Yeah maybe..... hey Y/N, i was thinking after this lockdown is over maybe you and i can get dinner...."

Was he serious right now??

"Dude really??!....." Chris snapped looking at Brian shaking his head.

"What?"

Chris closed my door and stood towering over Brian as they exchanged words i could no longer hear. Chris was soon strutting round to the driver side of the car while Brian stood there looking pissed. I turned to look at Chris as he got into the car, he was fuming. He started the car and pulled away onto the road, his grip on the steering wheel so tight his knuckles went white.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked him quietly.

"I will be knowing you and Mason are away from that creep"

"What did you say to him?"

"We'll talk about it later, i don't want Mace to hear"

"Okay, but can you please try and calm down....."

"Im Fine"

"Tell your face that, plus you're kinda white knuckling the steering wheel there....."

"Sorry.... sorry. Im fine really...." he loosened his grip and gave me a tight lipped smile.

"Always so protective" Scott chuckled from the back seat earning him a glare in the rear view mirror.

"Scott i swear to god...."

"Come on boys behave, this lockdown hasn't even started yet and you're bickering"

"You sure you don't wanna go stay with Ma....." Chris muttered at Scott making us all laugh.

The first week of lockdown quickly passed, there was no news on when the lockdown would let up so we were all just enjoying our time together.....It was just like old times. I called my mom and Hannah everyday just to check in and have some female conversation but other than that it was just me and the Evan's boys in our little quarantine bubble.

I was in the kitchen making breakfast when Chris walked in sporting a new haircut..... the buzzcut was back!

"Wow...... you've shaved your hair...."

"Yeah" he run his hand over his head blushing a little "fancied a change, its been a long time since i can just cut my hair when i want"

"Right, Marvel owned it before"

"No...."

"You know i'm right" i shrugged "i always did like the buzzcut look though"

"Yeah i remember....." he smirked.

"Morning family!" Scott said loudly walking into the kitchen "What happened to your hair??"

"Fancied a change, plus now i haven't gotta worry about my hair everyday"

"You know that actually sounds kinda smart..... have you seen my bed head??"

"Kinda hard to miss Scotty" i snickered behind my hand looking at his hair that was sticking up left, right and centre.

"Maybe i should do it too"

"And me!" Mason said smiling big at us "i want hair like dads too!"

"Oh my god Chris what have you started..."

"Sorry...."

"No its fine, its only hair. It'll grow back right.... i guess now is as good a time as any for a haircut".

After breakfast Chris took Mason for his hair cut while i showered and dressed for the day. The next time i saw them all three were sporting buzzcuts and i had to admit it was very cute!

"Let me get a photo of you three, this is just too cute to pass up" i smiled grabbing my phone. I snapped a few photo's and forwarded them to Chris and Scott before setting one as my lock screen and slipping my phone back into my pocket.

"Oh my god i love this.... i'm gonna get this blown up and framed on my wall" Chris smiled looking at the photo.

"Let me get one of you three" Scott jumped up and pulled me towards the sofa where Chris and Mason still sat.

"Oh.... we dont have to do that....."

"Come on, it'll be nice to have at least one photo of the three of us" Chris said looking up at me with those damn ocean eyes of his that always made me week.

"Okay, sure" i nodded taking the seat next to Mason.

"Move in a bit closer....." Scott said trying to get us all in frame, we both leaned in closer to Mason and smiled while Scott took the photo.

"Oh i'm good..... this is great you guys" Scott said before both our phones were receiving photo's from Scott. I couldn't help the smile on my face when i saw how lovely the photo had come out.

"Okay you did good, i love this"

"This ones going up too by the way" Chris looked at me with a huge smile.

"You don't have to do that...."

"You kidding me? I want to"

"Fair enough, its your house. I just don't think your girlfriend will appreciate it much".

"Okay..... who wants lunch??" Scott asked loudly interrupting, it had suddenly got a bit awkward at the mention of Lindsey so i just got up quickly and followed Scott into the kitchen.

Once Mason was in bed for the night the alcohol came out. We watched some old movie (that Chris found hilarious) played some card games which somehow led to childish drinking games and before we knew it we were all pretty wasted!

"Right you guys i'm going to bed, i physically can not drink anymore" Scott said getting to his feet and stumbling making Chris and I laugh.

"Dude you're such a lightweight" Chris rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Shut up. Goodnight.... love you both"

"Night Scotty, love you" i smiled up at him from where i was laying on sofa.

"Night bro, love ya".

Chris and I sat in silence for a few minutes, just the sounds on the TV playing in the background.

"You want another beer?" He asked getting up from the armchair he had been occupying all night.

"Sure, i'll have one more before bed".

While Chris went to grab the beers i sat and reached for my phone to make sure i hadn't missed any messages from my mom or Hannah. There was a photo from Hannah that made me laugh just as Chris walked back in with the beers.

"Hannah just sent me this photo..." i said to him turning my phone to show him a photo of Lucas who now had a buzzcut.

"Haha! Oh god i really started something didn't i?" He laughed looking a bit guilty.

"I sent her a photo of Mason's new haircut earlier, she said Lucas wouldn't shut up about wanting the same.... looks like he got his way"

"You gotta admit it looks cute though?"

"Yeah okay i'll give you that. Mason is like your little mini me, even more so than usual"

"He’s just missing the beard"

"I think we've still got some time until that happens" i laughed "you definitely have strong genes Evans.....that boy literally inherited none of my looks"

"No but he's got your attitude and sass"

"Hey!"

"Im kidding.... mostly"

"Ass" i muttered shaking my head at him before taking a mouthful of my beer.

"He might look like me but his personality is all you sweetheart... he's an amazing kid"

"Yeah he is, id be lost without him"

"I kinda love having you both here" Chris added avoiding eye contact with me.

"Its been nice, just remember its not permanent...."

"I know, i know" he nodded quickly "you know when i came in and saw you laughing at your phone, my first thought was that it might've been Derek.... i hate that guy and i don't even know him" he scoffed "how sad is that?"

"Chris....."

"I know, its none of my business who you date or whatever"

"You're right it is none of your business. But just for the record, there's nothing going on with Derek, we were gonna go for dinner before this lockdown stuff but i haven't spoken to him since"

"Oh...."

"Can i ask you something?" I turned to face him, he looked up and nodded finally looking at me.

"Why isn't Lindsey here?"

"What?...."

"Why isn't Lindsey staying with you? I mean you guys are obviously serious if you came looking for that divorce but she isn't here....."

Chris looked away again coughing to clear his throat.... was he nervous??

"Lindsey isn't here because i ended it"

"What?... when?"

"When i found out i had a son. When i saw you again and realised anything i thought i felt for her was a lie"

"Are you fucking with me right now?"

"No. Im just being honest. Y/N, i know i fucked up when i ended things with us.... it was the biggest mistake of my life and i regret it everyday.... but i never stopped loving you. Not for one god damn second...."

I suddenly felt very sober, my heart pounding in my chest.

“You’re just saying this because you’ve had too much to drink...” i muttered shaking my head.

“You’re probably right, doesn’t mean its not true. Ive just been keeping it to myself” Chris suddenly got up and came to sit next me taking hold of my hand “i know my timings sucks but i just needed you to know..... and i just need to know if there is any chance at all that you’d give me another chance.....”

“Chris i really don’t think now is a good time to talk about this.... we’ve both had too much to drink..... if you’re serious about this i think we need to have this conversation sober”

“But you’re willing to have that conversation?”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow” i nodded pulling my hand free and standing up “i’m gonna go to bed.... goodnight”.

I had to put some distance between us before i did something id regret in the morning.

It was safe to say i wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave

@jakiki94 @torntaltos @buchanansebba

[riot-in-reverie]

Cardan Vs. The Mall Manager

First one of these I've ever done so excuse me.

I had decided that it was about time to show Cardan where I was from and have him experience a bit of her old life. 

We had traveled in the night and had gotten to Vivi's apartment at about 3am. 

Vivi greeted us in her nightgown and set us up in her room saying that she'd sleep on the couch but making it very clear that any funny business and we'd be kicked out, lucky for both of us Cardan didn't make any snarky remarks.

I woke up around noon and threw on some high waisted jeans and a pull over forest green sweatshirt. I tried styling my hair but it didn't go so well without the help of tatterfell so i just left it in a ponytail.

 After getting dressed I made my way downstairs to see Cardan, Oak, and Vivi in the kitchen. 

Vivi had set out pancakes for all of them and Oak had already finished his. Now he had syrup all over his face and hands and was looking at Cardans uneaten pancakes in fascination. 

Vivi must of heard me come down because she pushed a plate towards me. I sat down next to Cardan and began to eat. 

 "So what are you guys going to do today?" 

"We're going shopping for sure, probably get some food, go see some tourist attractions or something. Speaking of that its already noon lets hop to it"

 I stood up and urged Cardan up as well. "We'll be back later" I said as I pulled Cardan out the door. 

Cardan and I walked the city streets on the way to the mall.

 I held his hand tightly and would occasionally pull on it when he would stare to long at a passing human. 

I could tell that he was trying to hide his astonishment as we set foot into the mall. He looked at everyone walking around with shopping bags with wide eyes

"stop staring" I scolded him 

"their staring at me to" he countered. 

It was true they were but they had a justifiable reason. He was dressed like he had walked out of William Shakespeares A Midsummers Night Dream. 

I just pulled him along behind me as we walked to a clothing store. 

Once inside he stood there absentmindedly not sure what to do

 I swear I feel like I'm raising a child rather than having a husband sometimes.

I walked around picking some out for him while he stood in utter awe then came back and handed them to him 

"try these" 

he took them then started to take off his shirt. 

I quickly stopped him 

"no we have different rules here." 

I pushed him inside a dressing room 

"watch it" he said acting delicate as i gave him a final shove.

 "Oh please" I answered with an eye roll

He came out wearing a dress shirt that he wore in a way so it revealed quite a fair bit of his chest and some low waisted ripped jeans that were a faded black. He put his hands on his hips and smirked at me.

 "What do you think?"

 I looked away so he wouldn't see my blush "Fine. Come on let's pay" 

After paying we walked around the shops for a while buying a few things here and there with Vivi's glamoured money.

 We were about halfway through the square when Cardan decided that this was the time to loudly declare that he was absolutely starving. 

I knew there was a restaurant right up ahead but i didn't think this was the time to introduce cardan to restaurants.

I decided to get take out instead. I sat him down on a bench

"stay here I'm going to go get food"

 he sprawled out on the bench "yes your highness" 

with that I went to the restaurant 

It took longer than I thought and when I came back my worst fear had come true. 

Cardan was no longer sitting on the bench

I quickly put down the food and thought of where he could of gone. 

 I started asking people if they'd seen him but no one had. 

My worry had started to turn to anger and I was now looking up and down the shops for him. 

As soon as i turned the corner i heard his voice and followed it to a wine shop where very loud voices could be heard coming from inside.

"what do you mean 21"

"Thats the age. If you have an ID"

"ID?"

"Yes so we can tell who you are"

"You don't know who I am?!"

This was when I found Cardan yelling at what i assumed to be the manager 

"No sir I don't. Please just….

"I'M THE HIGH KING OF ELFHAME!!!" 

the man looked utterly baffled 

I stepped to Cardans side but before I could say anything Cardan took my hand and started speaking for me 

"My wife is perfectly capable of killing you!"

 The man reached for the phone "alright I'm calling security" 

"NO no sorry sir I'll take him out of here this instant"

before either of them could say anything i hauled Cardan out of the shop and outside where I smacked him upside the head. 

"What where you thinking?!" 

 "the real question is who puts an age limit on wine?" 

He looked like he was about to cry. 

"Come on lets buy you some eyeliner and a smoothie. Its not wine but you might like it"

 he nodded and put his arm around my waist. 

The next day

"Jude darling"

"Mhmm?"

"I need more eyeliner"

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

[isopale]

Here is my entry for @covered-byroses turning 1 writing challenge!

This is my first time writing anything for others to see, and it kinda got away from me... Had to cut it off where i did for now because it juat kept going and going and going..... And next thing i know wow.

Summary: You have a secret you've kept hidden all this time. Until something kills your husband and threatens to expose everything. Just so happens a couple hunters get more than the case they signed up for.

Pairing: none (yet 😘)

Warnings: character death (vaguely/generally discribed)

A quiet normal life was obviously too much to ask for. The past few years had been a lot of running around from place to place, ducking monsters and hunters. Was there nowhere that didn't have some kind of monster in it? How hard was it really?

The monsters never bothered you, they all seemed to know something was off and to stay away. You don't bother them, they don't bother you, simple as that. But some the hunters that came after them were different, these humans that have made it their duty to protect the clueless ones could be dangerous. Some of them have let the jobs get into their heads, and it's changed them. That's why you always left any town they came to, just to be safe.

Angels and demons on the other hand were absolute nightmares. You had spent more than your fair share with them and fighting them. If an angel was in a town, it was drop everything and run before they see you. Demon, leave before a hunter comes since most demons topside were too young go recognize you.

With all the constant moving, you were alone.

Until you met your (murdered) husband. He was a self proclaimed free spirit. Loved to move from place to place and rarely stayed anywhere for more than a few months. You had been hesitant but eventually warmed up to him and before long married, and fell in love. Since he just sooo happened to show up in the same places as you, he was a risk you wanted to take. He was your guilty pleasure, and his death was your fault.

He never knew what hit him. But obviously some demon went looking for the legend not even your dear old dad believed.

After your husband was murdered, you made it your obsession to find and kill it. Someone was talking and it wasn't going to end well.

You had been looking around and discovered that there was apparently a pack of wolves living in town. Small pack, looks to be exclusively family unit. Mother, father, and 2 girls (possibly nearing their 20s) and a teenage boy.

Of course… never a dull moment.

Not too surprising being in the middle of nowhere texas, but in the weeks you had been watching them they only fed on their livestock.

Which makes other murders in town very strange. What ever was responsible made sure to make it look like a werewolf attack.

…

Sam and Dean had been interviewing the investigators and witnesses all day for these “animal attacks”.

“Sounds like a werewolf Sammy,” Dean said opening a beer from the mini fridge.

“Yeah. Where is it hiding though?” Sam mused leaning back in the ratty bedside chair. “No one i touched was bothered by the silver ring today.”

“Good idea of Bobby's by the way. I might have to go check the local talent with it,” Dean said with a smirk lounging on one of the two small beds in the motel room.

“Dude,”

“oh Lighten up Sammy. I was gonna let you go first this time”

“Do whatever you want. I'm going to bed.” Sam rolled his eyes before moving to the other bed, that was a few inches too short for him “Remember we have to talk to the widows tomorrow so try not to have hooker glitter on you this time.”

“That only happened once.”

…

You didn't like to make a habit of being near hunters but you couldn't leave town now. It had only been a few months since you were married and less than a year since you and your husband had known each other. But that didn't make it hurt any less. It had been so long since you had had someone close to you.

You had visited the wolfs farm, this time to talk instead of spy, this morning before work at the small second hand clothes shop downtown. The Hensen's, you should probably remember their name. They were nice and accommodating once convinced you weren't there to harm them. Josh, the husband, wide and sturdy man was willing and ready to end any threat to his family. (Oh those hunters are going to have fun with this one) Amelia, the mother, tall woman towering over you although extremely soft spoken due to then she was turned her throat had very nearly been ripped out leaving a large angry scar. (You wondered if the big one of the two hunters was taller than her) The girls were twins, Anna and Marie, simple small town girls. And the son, Rich, solid country muscle farm boy.

They had been living there for years, long enough to build up that farm and to have the stock numbers to cover their feeding habits. They always sold or gave away what they didn't need. Most of the town thought they ran a home butcher shop and over the years that's what it turned into. But now with the murders and the hunters in town they were all on high alert.

Those hunters were going around town talking to the other 3 widows. Now you could see them through the store window across the street parking that vintage beauty. Both of them were way too sexy to be whatever government agents they were pretending to be. Sex with your husband (the few times it did happen) was great it was meaningful, but he would rather sleep under the stars or not leave the couch unless absolutely necessary to binge on something. But these two hunters made you think sinful thoughts.

Oh if only boys.

Putting on your customer service voice “Good afternoon gentleman. How can I help you?”

“We're federal agents in town working the recent animal attack cases,” the shorter of the two stated as they flash very nice but very fake FBI badges. “We were wondering if there was a (y/n y/l/n) here.”

“That would be me.” not even trying to remember the names on the ids, they wouldn't be real anyway. “Are you going to find out what happened to my husband?”

“Yes ma'am, we are very sorry for your loss,” now it's the taller ones turn “but we were hoping we could ask you a few questions?”

Giving them a sad smile before turning back to arrange new rack of clothes “Sure but i'm the only one here until closing at 6. You can ask here or wait until then.”

The tall one narrowed his eyes slightly. He seemed to want to say something else.

I don't even know what I'm not supposed to know. Normal people don't think werewolf right?

“How 'bout you meet us at the diner down the street when you get off? You can help us out over a quick bite,” he stepped around the small rolling rack of new clothes to make you look at him.

“Sure,” you try your best to hold back fake tears “I'll be there about 15 after.”

…

Too bad you didn't have time to creep on them before the diner, you have to admit they were nice to look at.

They're waiting in a booth in the back, both on one side with backs against the wall to watch everyone else. The tall one with long hair politely waves his hand when you enter. The shorter one has beautiful green eyes, he stands and helps you into the benchseat across from them. The had already ordered you a coffee and a glass of water.

“Thank you for coming Ms (y/l/n),” says the tall one

“How long were you and your husband living here before he was attacked?” Asks the green eyed hunter

“We only came here about a month ago. We didn't plan on staying, we wanted to travel around the country. You know live on the road,” You say not entirely lying “we just pick somewhere to go and get some small jobs around to hold us over for a bit.”

“Wait you don't live here?” Asked the tall one, he was trying to hide his suspicion with empathy.

Hunters…

“No, I'm still staying in the little motel,” you say “I was going to switch rooms but… i couldn't bring myself to…” you say fake holding back tears, you've shed all the tears you needed. Now you want the thing that killed him to suffer.

“We're sorry.” Says the tall one, his features soften and he gives you a look of genuine sympathy. “Why did you stay? Couldn't you have gone back home?”

“Neither of us have any family anywhere, we’re alone.” Now you hold back real tears, suddenly very interested in that coffee.

Taking a sip you realize why it was there before you were. Holy water. It stings some now when it usually doesn't, but you hold your composure. These two aren't playing around, they legitimately think you're the killer.

When green eyes shifts his hands on the table you notice why he helped you into the seat.

Holy water and silver rings, these two are a lot more interesting than i thought.

You sigh and decide to tell them what they want to know… sort of.

“I'm not the one who killed those people or my husband.” you whisper. They glance at each other and some unspoken thing goes between them but before they can feed you more BS you continue. “It wasn't a werewolf either. I know it looks bad but the bodies should have been more tore up, when has a wolf ever ripped out a heart without leaving any other marks?”

“Ma'am werewolves don't exist. We know traumatic experiences like this ca--” the long haired giant begins but green eyes stops him.

“Sam she knows.” He whispers to him “I guess we can cut the act for you then.” He directs to you this time. “What do you know?”

Mmm like to be incharge do ya not-sam.

“I'll tell you what I know but it's not much, and not here. I'm leaving in the morning,” You say “meet me at the butchers farm outside town in an hour.” You get up to leave not waiting for an answer.

…

After the 15 minute walk back to the motel you enter your room. You spare one last glance at the first bed and your heart clenches. You just need to pack the few clothes you have in your backpack and the essentials and be on your way to the farm. You plan on staying with the wolves until the hunters leave and your mind is too preoccupied with things to take and things to leave you didn't notice the rug was moved. Then you bumped the barrier reaching for the moon necklace your husband had given you. You had been so hurt and angry lately you hadn't been careful enough.

“Told you Sammy.” You heard from the doorway

You had not been pissed before but you were now. Hunters, always shoot first and ask questions after. Between angels, demons, and hunters you couldn't catch a break.

“Why'd you do it? Was he even your husband or just some poor sap that happened to be passing through town at the same time?” Sam asked accusingly

“It's not what you think” you say taking a breath to calm down and try and get out of the circle. But green eyes cuts you off.

“Why do you demons think you can just kill whenever you want and we won't find you,” he opens a small leather book “ now were going to save that poor girl you're wearin--”

“I LOVED HIM! LOOK AROUND YOU IDIOT!” So much for calm. You raise your hand and they both are flung against the headboards. You shut your eyes and take another breath.

You feel the darkness fading and with it the circles hold as you step over the barrier, careful to keep your hold on the men before you. You open your eyes to see them staring wide eyed and speechless. Their eyes locked on yours, you know they see the black they are used to but yours also have the familiar blue-white glow as well.

“What are you?” Sam breathes

Striding to the nightstand between the beds you slowly take your necklace before answering “I WILL find out who killed my husband, with or without your help. You have 20 minutes to be at the butchers now and I'll tell you what i know.” You say firmly making your way to the door making sure to walk through the circle again for them to see.

You spare one last look at them. “You know if i was into being on this end of things you two might be in trouble like that”

You release your hold on them as you slip out the door on the last word.

…

Something was different about the boy when you had ran into him that morning before the hunters came to the shop and you were hoping you were wrong.

Even if I'm right I can just fix him when I'm done.

You had been running since you left the motel, you're not going back to that little car you had since someone probably will recognize it again.

“(Y/N)!”

You skid to a stop in front of the Hensen's gate, trying to slow your breathing and heart rate after the 2 mile run.

“(Y/N)!” It must be one of the twins running up the drive yelling for you.

“Please. There's something wrong with Rich.”

Just then you hear the roar of the hunters car coming up the road.

“Get the rest of your family and hide. DO NOT come out until i come get you.” You grab her shoulders and make her look at you “Where is he?”

“He- he's in the barn. Mom is went after him, please don't let them hurt them.” She sobs

You shove her toward the house “GO!” Then tear off to the barn in the light of the hunters impala.

Just before you reach the barn a body is thrown through the doors, you manage to stop it in the air before it smashes into you. It's the mother, you lay her gently at your feet never touching her. It's been so long since you've used your powers it feels good to do it again.

“Don't you touch her!” The green eyed hunter yells gun drawn on you.

You hover your hand over the mother and let the healing white light do its job. Both men stand above you guns at the ready.when When you're done you snap your fingers and send her to her own bed far away from the hunters, still unsure if they will leave this family alone.

…

Dean and I argued the whole way to the farm about (y/n). He thinks it's some kind of demon trick that she got out of the devils trap, that she must have broke the circle before stepping in it. But i saw her run into it, it stopped her from reaching the nightstand when she reached out.

Then her still using her powers on us while trapped shouldn't be possible. And those eyes. Cas’ eyes only glow blue-white in the iris’, and no other angel has black around them. Whatever she is we've never seen anything like her.

'Into being on this end of things…’ more arousing than it should be coming from a possible demon.

'Into being on this end of things…’ more arousing than it should be coming from a possible demon.

Before we could act she snapped away the wife.

“You people are always shoot first and answers later.” She stood us to her full height, barely coming to the middle of my chest before swinging around to face Dean.

“MOVE” she shoves past my brother and i have to hide a laugh

“Wait! We don't know what's in there.” I try to stop her but she's already opening the doors before either of us can stop her.

“Ugh. Just stand still and I do everything. hunters…”

What must be the farmers son is standing in the middle of the loft above us cocky smile and black eyes.

"I didnt think you were real little one"

[crossdressingdeath]

#i mean tbf as hazel says herself she and nico represent different parts of pluto/hades#her riches and him death so the whole people don't like him cos of teh death thing still sort of holds up#also while percy isn't great ot nico im not gonna blame him for his stories#nico does nearly get percy killed quite a few times albeit without any malicious intent behind it really#liek nico is this kid that percy is highkey forced to help multiple times at cost to him and he's done with it#which is a dick move im not arguing that#but like he's also what 17 id be a shit too#yes nico is even younger but ngl id chat shit about a 14 yr old at 17 if they did what nico did to me lol#even though it would be highly unfair to said 14yr old#percy sticks his neck out for nico gets fucked over for it at least twice and then goes 'fuck it im done'#so like yeah as op says good person terrible friend#like the problem is that percy means more to nico than nico means to percy#which isn't a great foundation for a relationship and espeically not when there's so much other shit going on in the background#also feel like nico probably gives percy complicated feelings about bianca that he wants to avoid#which is selfish becuase nico probably has them about percy too#but it makes sense#not trying to start something just thinking cos it's interesting (tags via @pbaintthetb)

Actually the most interesting thing for me about how Hazel is perceived vs how Nico is perceived is that Hazel is if anything more of a child of the Underworld than Nico is, what with how she's actually a dead soul returned to the world of the living and also her abilities are actively cursed, but it's Nico who's perceived as the creepy child of the Underworld because of death powers and also his general aesthetic. Fascinating thing about judging books by their covers in there, I love it.

Also... I wouldn't say Nico "nearly get[s] Percy killed quite a few times"? The only example I can really think of where it was actually Nico's doing is the thing with Hades's trick. I guess you could count the shenanigans in the Labyrinth, but a) Percy would've needed to go down there anyway since Luke intended to use it as an invasion route and b) it was Bianca pushing Percy to protect Nico; at that point Nico mostly just wanted him to go away. Same with saying Percy sticks his neck out for Nico; he covers up him being the son of Hades and gets burned by trusting him one time, but that's about it. Nico actually risks himself for Percy a lot more than Percy risks himself for Nico. Hell, Nico consistently does far more good for Percy than bad; even if we say that the thing with Hades was entirely Nico's doing (which it wasn't), he's made up for it half a dozen times over! And it's the same again with saying Percy is "forced" to help Nico "multiple times"; he's... not. He covers for Nico of his own volition, he runs into Nico in the Labyrinth largely by coincidence since they didn't really have a lot of control over where they were going (and they were coincidentally after the same person), Nico is the one helping Percy in TLO... I guess you could say he's being forced to save Nico in MoA because of the prophecy, but honestly if Percy was the type of person who'd leave someone to slowly suffocate to death—especially someone who only got captured because he put himself in danger for the sake of the quest—unless there was a prophecy saying that person was important, that would say some pretty bad things about Percy!

Re the stories, I can understand Percy grumbling about that whole Hades incident, that's fair. My issues with it here are twofold. First, the timing: as I said, because of how the timing works out with the Seven the only opportunity Percy would've had to tell stories about Nico was while they were flying to Rome to rescue him. In other words Percy was telling the Seven about that time Nico "lured him into a trap"... while they were prepping to put themselves in serious danger to rescue him from giants. I'm just saying, maybe given the circumstances, and seeing as some of the group already had concerns about Nico's loyalties, that story could've waited until after he was rescued! Instead of the one time Nico accidentally lured him into a trap Percy could've told them about how as far as the books say Nico's first use of his demigod abilities was saving Percy from skeleton warriors despite having just learned that Percy broke his promise to protect Bianca, or how Nico charged back into the Labyrinth without hesitation and went up against a judge of the Underworld because the Labyrinth quest group was in danger, or how he half-killed himself summoning an undead army to defend Camp Half-Blood during the battle of the Labyrinth and was the one to actually bring the thing down, or how he was the one who did most of the legwork in figuring out how to get the mark of Achilles, or how after the trap was sprung Nico's immediate response was to risk Hades's fury by freeing Percy from it, or how despite having pissed off Hades by interfering in the trap Nico willingly stayed in the Underworld to convince his father to join the battle even though Hades was already furious with him (and seeing as Percy did kind of try to strangle him to death on sight when he showed up in the cell Nico would be well within his rights to say "No, I got you the mark of Achilles like I promised and fixed my mistake by saving you from my father, I'm not sticking my neck out for you again when you literally tried to kill me less than an hour ago and Dad's already pissed at me" when Percy told him to convince Hades to fight)... I'm just saying, there were stories Percy could've focused on other than that one incident where Nico accidentally led Percy into a trap, and those stories would've done a much better job of reassuring the Seven that Nico was very much on their side. Percy please tell them any story other than that one.

And my second issue is that... "Nico lured Percy into a trap" is a really inaccurate description of what happened, and honestly can only be called true in the loosest sense. Hades told Nico he just wanted to talk to Percy and then would tell Nico about his mother and let Percy continue on his trip to the Styx. As far as Nico knew there was no risk to Percy, just a minor delay. Saying Nico lured Percy into a trap comes with an implication that Nico knew it was a trap, and he had no idea. And the focus is on how Nico brought Percy to Hades to get information on his mother, but... let's be real, here. They were in Hades's domain. He absolutely knew they were there; he would've been able to send the Furies to grab them whether Nico cooperated with him or not. If Hades had told Nico the truth and he really did intend to let Percy go to the Styx after a quick chat it would've been considerably safer for Percy to have that chat and continue on with Hades's permission! But instead of explaining that Percy just seems to have told this group of demigods, some of whom already doubt Nico's loyalties, that Nico lured him into a trap with no mention of how all Nico really did was... trust his father. As if Percy wouldn't have done exactly the same thing if he was bringing someone to Poseidon's palace for whatever reason and Poseidon said "Hey, bring them to me for a quick talk first since you're bringing them to my house and all"!

But yeah, at the end of the day Percy and Nico's relationship is just... incredibly one-sided. Nico does so much for Percy's sake and gets basically nothing in return beyond maybe the occasional "Thank you", and it is a whole thing. And I am glad that based on that one TSatS excerpt talking about how Bob and Nico bonded over how their "friend" Percy seemed to completely forget they existed when he didn't need something from them it's going to go into that at least a bit, because it's definitely a thing that needs to be worked on. Helps that while he's in Tartarus Percy does at least acknowledge that he really fucked up with Nico, but so far that detail hasn't gone anywhere. Hopefully it will in TSatS.

Not to rub my angsty little hands over more media, but does anyone else ever think about how Nico likely figured the main reason he wasn't welcome anywhere was just that he's a child of the Underworld, only for HoO to come around and everyone on the Argo II to adore Hazel but still think Nico's creepy and weird (until Jason befriends him at least)? Like, it's good he has a sister again and Hazel is the best, but it can't have helped with Nico's self-worth issues to learn that apparently the issue is not being a child of the Underworld and it's just him that no one likes.